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  • Common Financial Mistakes in Divorce

    Divorce has a massive impact on your life in every way. In a relatively short span, your living situation, relationship status, and parenting time all undergo titanic shifts. One of the most overlooked consequences is the monetary impact of dissolving your marriage. There are many common, yet easily avoidable financial mistakes people make in divorce.

    Common Divorce Mistakes That Can Affect Your Finances

    A significant part of the divorce process is the division of property, where the two sides split up the shared assets and debts acquired throughout the marriage.

    Below are a few financial mistakes in divorce that can cost you dearly in divorce. You may want to take steps to avoid these pitfalls. With focus and attention, you should be able to sidestep these problems.

    Agreeing To Anything To Rush Through The Process

    Since long-term economic stability often hangs in the balance, it’s important not to rush into anything. Divorce is an emotional time and some people want to get it over with ASAP. Far too often, this leads people to make hasty, rash decisions without taking the time to consider the consequences.

    Just getting it done may seem great in the short run, but it often leads to substantial financial mistakes. In the rush to finalize your divorce, you often give up more than you have to.

    While it may appear fine at the moment, people commonly come to regret reckless decisions. On the other side, if you don’t take the time to account for what is available and what you need moving forward, people frequently leave things on the table the court may otherwise award them.

    Related Reading: How To File For Divorce In Oregon

    Acting Out Of Spite Or Anger

    Wanting to be finished with a divorce often leads to rash decision-making. So, too, does acting out of a sense of anger or bitterness. Hurt feelings are natural and often part of the process. They also cloud judgment and lead to choices that aren’t in your best financial interest.

    Some people try to use divorce as a means of punishment or retribution. While that may be cathartic at the moment, it may not be smart logistically speaking.

    Engaging in an epic, scorched-earth divorce gets expensive. And with both sides drawing money from the same well, people often wind up costing themselves more money in the long run. This is one of the biggest financial mistakes we see people make.

    Related Reading: How Is A Business Divided In A Divorce?

    Not Knowing the Value Of An Item

    Some pieces of the financial puzzle are easy to put a price tag on. Look at a shared bank account or loan debt. It’s plain to see just how much it’s worth.

    These are also readily accessible assets. For other items, however, the picture isn’t quite so clear.

    A car or a house, for example, presents complications. While these may have value on paper, you may not always be able to sell them for that figure.

    These items may also be difficult to liquidate. Selling a house is also a lengthy process. If you must sell quickly, you’ll probably take in less money.

    It also happens that parties overvalue items due to an emotional connection. We all form attachments to certain possessions, placing added worth on something that may not have much real-world basis.

    In these situations, you risk spending a great deal of time arguing back and forth about objects of relatively minor value in the grand scheme. People often focus on these items and less on those with a greater financial impact.

    Related Reading: How Is Property Divided In Oregon?

    Trying To Hide Assets

    As we said, a major part of the divorce process is the division of property. disclosing all assetsThis is where the court divides the shared assets and debts according to Oregon’s equitable distribution model. But the court only distributes what it knows about.

    Ideally, you have enough trust and honesty that you and your spouse will be upfront when it comes to disclosing resources. Also, the law requires both sides to disclose all their property.

    This, however, doesn’t always happen.

    Some people go to great lengths to hide things from their spouses. They attempt to conceal certain valuables or even transfer property or money to a third party.

    In a high-asset divorce, it’s even more tempting to try this, but it’s best to avoid underhanded strategies. Unless you’re remarkably devious and clever, you will be found out.

    Judges and opposing counsel have seen it all before, and you face significant consequences if you get caught. Your credibility takes a huge shot, and these actions may place you at a disadvantage for the remainder of your case.

    If you think your spouse may be hiding assets, there are ways to search for these clandestine holdings.

    • Check recent tax returns for inconsistencies.
    • Examine bank accounts for large expenditures you didn’t know about.
    • Use brokerage statements to look at the purchase and sale of stocks and bonds.

    These are just a few places to investigate, but you want to be as thorough as possible.

    If you have questions about whether or not your spouse disclosed everything, you may want to enlist the help of an experienced professional to help dig. Missing the signs or letting things slide is a common financial mistake in divorce settlements.

    Related Reading: How Is Debt Divided In Divorce?

    Forgetting About Your Taxes

    You have many details to consider during the division of property.
    credit rating after divorce With everything else to account for, taxes often go overlooked. The potential impact is huge and can have far-reaching consequences.

    The most obvious factor is that your filing status changes after divorce, but there are others

    In general, divorce is a non-taxable transaction if handled correctly. It’s possible to disburse money from a 401(k), 403(b), or deferred compensation plan without incurring any negative tax effect.

    With some retirement plans, such as a 401(k), the recipient spouse is often able to cash out the funds without paying penalties. If disbursed improperly, cashouts can be costly.

    Other assets you receive also often carry additional tax burdens.

    One example of this is when assets are subject to capital gains. This occurs when you sell something for more than you paid for it—that profit is often taxable.

    Capital gains most commonly apply to real estate, stocks, and investments.

    But the same regulations don’t apply uniformly to every asset. For instance, the federal government taxes the sale of a primary residence differently depending on the gain.

    Before agreeing to any settlement in a divorce, high-asset or otherwise, it’s important to know the tax implications of everything on the table.

    Related Reading: Millenials, Boomers, And Gen X-ers Oh My: Breaking Down Divorce Rates By Generation

    Not Considering Credit

    Another factor that often flies under the radar is how divorce impacts your credit rating.

    After finalizing the split, your former spouse’s credit ceases to influence yours. You both apply for loans and credit cards as individuals from here on out. That part is straightforward.

    However, if there are remaining shared debts, they can still influence your credit score, even after the fact.

    Getting a divorce doesn’t alter pre-existing agreements you and your spouse entered into while married. If you secured a car loan, mortgage, or accrued significant credit card debt in both names, you remain on the hook for those payments.

    The court may assign your ex to pay a joint debt like this. Ideally, that’s what will happen. But if it doesn’t go down that way, it will negatively impact you and your standing like any other late or missed payment.

    The final agreement can include provisions like requiring your former spouse to refinance a loan and remove your name by a certain point. But we all know people don’t always do what they’re supposed to. It never hurts to keep an eye on your credit score and double-check.

    Related Reading: 5 Ways Divorce Impacts Social Security

    Hiring The Wrong Lawyer

    Many people try to hire the toughest, meanest lawyer they can find. Having a strong advocate to fight for you is definitely important, but enlisting a rabid bulldog of an attorney doesn’t always mean you hired the right one.

    When it comes to your financial future, an attorney with experience in similar cases is more important than someone who wants a legal fistfight. Consider what you have to protect, what you want from a settlement, and what you need in the future.

    An appropriately aggressive attorney with an understanding of these elements will likely prove much more effective and practical than a legal brawler.

    Divorce dramatically alters your finances. Take the time to consider the repercussions of your choices during the process. You want to start the next chapter of your life on the best economic footing possible.

    The greater the pool of assets to divide, the more complicated and heated things become. Too often people make financial mistakes that start their new lives in a hole.

    Related Reading: Should You Move Out? Not Yet, Here’s Why

  • Right Of First Refusal: What You Need to Know

    The right of first refusal can be an important piece of a child custody order. After divorce or battles over guardianship, non-custodial parents can use this measure to spend as much time with their kids as possible.

    A few questions come often. How does the right of first refusal work? And does this do more harm than good?

    What Is The Right Of First Refusal In Child Custody?

    If there’s a right of first refusal clause in a child custody order, this essentially means if your ex is not going to be with your child, you have the first shot at being there. Before they call a babysitter, daycare, or other childcare option, they must offer it to you.

    This provision allows the non-custodial parent to capitalize on opportunities to spend more time with the kids. It often makes up for limited visitation and manifests in a variety of ways.

    The way it works is: If you have a right of first refusal clause in your child custody agreement, if you’re the non-custodial parent, you get the first chance to care for your child when the custodial parent can’t.

    You have the right of first refusal to look after your children while your ex works instead of sending them to daycare. If your ex has a date, you have the opportunity to look after the kids instead of using a babysitter. When it comes to the custodial parent planning a solo vacation, the non-custodial parent has the right of first refusal in deciding who the kids stay with.

    This comes into play in other circumstances. However, this is the general overview of how these provisions work on a practical level.

    Related Reading: Enforcement Proceedings: What To Do If Your Ex Violates A Parenting Plan

    Common Questions

    This all sounds great, like it can be positive for everyone involved. But does the right of first refusal ultimately benefit you, your ex, and, most importantly, your children? The answer is not always as simple as it appears.

    Right of first refusal is a broad term, one that describes a particular type of child custody order. To be effective, it needs precise, detailed language that lays out the intentions, scope, and limitations of the agreement.

    Basically, you need to establish how it will function ahead of time, and you have a great deal to consider.

    How often will these situations arise?

    Will this be a regular occurrence or a once-in-a-blue-moon type of scenario? You need to make a plan based on your circumstances and the overall situation.

    Does work-related childcare figure into the agreement?

    One party may want to include this for ease and consistency, while the other may seek to leave it out to maximize parental time.

    Is there a minimum time requirement?

    Does the right of first refusal cover quick trips to the grocery store or does there have to be an absence of several hours or an overnight stay?

    What about extended family members?

    Can your ex leave the kids with their grandparents or an aunt, or do you always get the first shot?

    These and more are things that you need to address.

    Related Reading: Finding the Best Child Custody Lawyer: What Qualities To Look For

    When Do Problems Arise With A Right of First Refusal?

    Part of the discussion when developing the right of first refusal should include specifics and exceptions for the sake of clarity. While it may be the right fit in some situations, in others, it may make already tense or difficult circumstances even worse.

    Bad Communication Skills

    If you and your ex can get along and be amicable, this may work well. If not, problems often arise.

    This scenario takes two sides willing and able to communicate at the very least on a functional level. But if all you do is fight, such levels of contact may give you one more thing to fight about and exacerbate an already strained relationship. Cooperation and flexibility are key.

    Overreliance

    If one parent comes to rely too heavily on the other, it sometimes also leads to friction.

    You may want to spend as much time with your kids as possible, but that isn’t always feasible. The custodial parent may come to rely on this setup, to assume the other will immediately drop everything. No one wants to feel they’re being taken advantage of.

    Inconsistency

    The right of first refusal can be a useful parenting tool for both parties. But haphazard, inconsistent use can increase conflict. If the non-custodial parent can’t cover child care, it still falls to the primary guardian to figure something out.

    Supervised Visitation

    In cases where one parent’s time with the child is restricted to supervised visitation, the right of first refusal may run counter to the minor’s best interest. It may also prove impractical.

    Distance

    Practicality issues also crop up when the parents live a great distance from one another.

    Depending on where you live, crisscrossing town, fighting traffic may consume huge amounts of time. For some, this may be workable, but for others, it’s far less pragmatic.

    Domestic Violence

    If there is a history of domestic violence between the two parties, the right of first refusal may cause more harm than good. Again, this requires cooperation and communication between parents to work. And if this is the case, the court likely won’t allow this provision anyway.

    Related Reading: Can Your Ex Stop the Kids From Playing Sports?

    When Is It The Right Choice?

    The right of first refusal is a complex, intricate provision in a child custody agreement. It can be a valuable, useful tool in certain situations. But it can also do more harm than good in others.

    Before heading down this path, it’s important to consider all the possible angles.

    Especially as this is a contractual arrangement and a breach can carry significant penalties. In the end, you have to determine whether or not this is truly beneficial to you and your kids.

    Related Reading: What Are a Father’s Rights In Oregon?

  • Choosing Between Divorce and Legal Separation

    Ending a marriage is a huge decision. It’s a choice that impacts every facet of your life. Divorce is the most obvious option when a relationship is over, but in some cases, it’s not the best one. There are situations where staying married, but separating might work. It begs the question of whether divorce or legal separation is right for you.

    While it may seem like a strange choice, in some cases, legal separation has definite benefits. Every situation is different, so neither divorce nor separation is a perfect fit for everyone. But circumstances exist where opting to remain married does make the most sense.

    What Is The Difference Between Divorce and Legal Separation?

    On the surface, the most readily apparent difference between divorce and separation is that in one, the couple remains married, while in the other, they do not. It’s simple and straightforward in that regard.

    Divorce dissolves a marriage. Your union legally comes to an end. Former spouses are now free to pursue their lives without the complications of being married. They can date, remarry, and generally live their life without marital entanglements.

    Though a marriage may be, for all practical purposes, over, with legal separation, it remains technically intact. It’s possible for spouses to lead entirely separate lives but remain bound by law.

    In this scenario, people have to mark married on forms and can’t marry someone else. It’s also possible for separated couples to inherit property from one another and even receive benefits. These are big reasons why some people choose this route.

    Related Reading: How Is Debt Divided In Divorce?

    How Are They Similar?

    While there are distinct differences between divorce and separation, the two also share similarities.

    One is obviously permanent and final, while the other is less so. But for all intents and purposes, the end product is the same.

    In many cases, a legal separation essentially functions as an effective divorce.

    • A court order lays out the specifics of a split between two spouses.
    • The participants tackle the task of dividing shared assets and debts.
    • When there are children, they must create a parenting plan and deal with custody, visitation, and even child support or spousal maintenance.

    Though less binding, the mechanical process of separation often mimics that of divorce. As that stands, the question remains, which is the right choice, divorce or separation?

    Related Reading: Does Oregon Have Common-Law Marriage?

    When Is a Legal Separation the Right Choice?

    People choose to divorce or separate for many reasons. The motivations are as disparate and unique as the factors that lead to the end of a marriage.

    Some people choose separation as a step toward an eventual divorce, while for others it becomes a more permanent state.

    Reasons people may choose legal separation over divorce:

    • It allows couples time apart, away from the conflict of the marriage to decide if divorce is what they truly want.
    • It may allow for the retention of medical coverage and certain other benefits divorce ends.
    • If your religious beliefs conflict with the idea of divorce, you can live separately and retain your marital status.
    • If you are a military spouse, you may wish to remain married for ten years so that you can take advantage of the benefits set up by the Uniformed Services Former Spouse Protection Act.
    • Remaining married for ten years or more also means being able to take advantage of certain Social Security benefits for a spouse.
    • If the decision to divorce is made, the separation agreement can likely be converted into a divorce settlement agreement.

    Related Reading: 9 Common Mediation Questions Answered

    Financial Reasons For Legal Separation

    Financial reasons are a big reason why people choose to remain married but legally separate. In some instances, filing taxes together saves a couple money. There are legal requirements to continue to file jointly in cases of legal separation, so it’s best to consult a tax expert before trying.

    Pensions, Health Insurance, Social Security, etc.

    After ten years of marriage, a spouse is entitled to a greater share of Social Security benefits. For couples on the cusp of a decade, this often motivates the decision to put off divorce.

    As mentioned, military pensions and other retirement benefits often have similar regulations. These are powerful reasons to stay married.

    For the Kids

    For families with children, separation often proves less traumatic. Depending on age, it may be easier to explain that mommy or daddy lives somewhere else rather than explain divorce.

    Negotiating a legal separation is also often less stressful for the adults involved than navigating divorce. And in some cases, legal separation offers the benefits of both divorce and marriage.

    Access to Healthcare

    Most employer-supported insurance plans don’t cover exes. Over the years, divorce has left many without adequate coverage. As with taxes, many companies view legal separation in the same light as divorce, so it’s important to closely examine policies.

    Still, there are times when coverage continues. Especially in cases where one spouse has a chronic condition, this is often huge.

    Legal fees

    Cost presents another factor to consider when choosing divorce or separation. If the case requires attorneys, the cost of legal separation and divorce are virtually identical.

    For cases without lawyers, the cost may be much less. Down the road, however, if you convert the separation to a divorce, you wind up paying again.

    These are all financial questions to consider when choosing divorce or separation.

    Related Reading: The Cost of Divorce: What You Should Know

    Drawbacks Of Separation

    While there are potential benefits to choosing separation over divorce in certain situations, there are also drawbacks.

    As the name implies, legal separation involves more than one spouse simply moving out. It requires a court order.

    Just packing up and leaving opens you up to many consequences. If you and your spouse own a home together, you may lose any future claim to the property. When you leave kids at home, moving out often impacts your chances of becoming the custodial parent.

    Moving out doesn’t automatically alter any pre-existing financial obligations. If your spouse runs up debts on joint credit cards or misses payments on a car loan that’s in both your names, you remain liable. Your credit can take a hit and creditors may even come after you for payment.

    Whether you choose to divorce or to separate is complicated. There’s no one-size-fits-all answer. Like most cases, it boils down to a specific set of circumstances. In some situations, divorce winds up the optimal choice. For others, legal separation fits the bill.

    However it plays out, this is a significant decision, one with lasting consequences. Make sure to take the time and consider all of the variables before deciding on divorce or separation.

    Related Reading: Community Property Vs Equitable Distribution: What’s The Difference?

  • Does Dating During Divorce Harm Your Case?

    This question often comes up when ending a marriage: Does dating during divorce harm your case?

    Divorce signals the end of a relationship. Whatever the reasons, it just didn’t work out, and divorce makes that final and official. Your marriage may have been over for a long time and the divorce process often feels like a waiting period.

    By this point, you may want to get out there and explore new romantic possibilities. But along with this desire, there’s also the worry it may negatively impact the outcome of your divorce.

    How Does Dating Affect Divorce?

    Once you put the wheels in motion, it often sounds like the perfect time to re-enter the social scene. But you want to carefully consider your circumstances.

    Dating during a divorce sometimes carries unforeseen and serious consequences when it comes to your case. It doesn’t happen in every situation, but it’s vital to understand the potential risks and hazards.

    Dating during divorce, since the marriage is still legally intact, may technically constitute adultery. A lot of this revolves around the date of separation—when spouses no longer live together as a married couple and can freely begin new relationships.

    Like most states in the union, Oregon practices no-fault divorce. This means neither party must prove the other is responsible for the breakup. In realistic terms, this means infidelity of any variety doesn’t often have a ton of impact on your divorce.

    Related Reading: How to Divorce in Oregon

    How Dating During Divorce Can Harm Your Case

    That said, there are still ways dating during divorce often plays a role. As usual, it varies from case to case and can have an effect in certain circumstances. Still, here’s what you need to keep an eye on.

    Division of Property

    During the division of property in a divorce, the goal is generally for both spouses to emerge on relatively even footing. Beyond that, the idea is for each to maintain a lifestyle equivalent to the one enjoyed during the marriage.

    For the most part, dating during a divorce doesn’t generally factor into this realm. But it can. Living situation directly impacts lifestyle and needs.

    Even if there’s no cohabitation, expenses accrued during a relationship can play a part. Dates, dinners, nights out, vacations, gifts, and more, all of these costs add up.

    If that money comes from shared accounts, or one party runs up new debts on joint credit cards, the responsible spouse needs to account for all of that. This may influence the division of property down the road.

    Related Reading: The Division of Property in Oregon

    Child Custody and Visitation

    In child custody cases, the court places the best interests of any minor children above all other concerns. Despite parental preference or convenience, if it’s not the better choice for the kids, it’s not the better choice in their eyes. Plain and simple.

    Dating during divorce can affect child custody or visitation in a couple of ways. Again, can is the key word here.

    One of the key pieces the courts look at when deciding on child custody is safety. If a new significant other, or even a string of unhealthy relationships, jeopardizes this, the court considers it.

    Living with a new partner who has a negative influence or even poses a potential threat also obviously impacts your custody case in a negative way.

    When there’s even a question of that, your ex will more than likely bring it up in a heated custody battle. Even if it only looks like you’re more interested in going out and dating than focusing on your children, that can damage your cause.

    Kids go through a lot during a divorce, and it’s often tough to watch parents dating during a divorce. They may not be entirely comfortable with your choice of romantic partners, or your ex’s for that matter.

    While the courts don’t usually allow the children’s feelings to sway these decisions, they may listen to what older children have to say. Everyone has a tough time, but kids are especially susceptible.

    Related Reading: Parental Evaluations In Oregon

    Child Support and Spousal Support Payments

    Dating during divorce is one thing, but cohabitating with a romantic partner is another. When it comes to determining child support and spousal support, this move may have a dramatic impact. Living with someone often plays into how much support the courts ultimately award.

    When it comes to figuring out child support if you’re granted custody, the state of Oregon has a formula. It accounts for many factors, including need, income, parenting time, and more.

    It also considers living expenses.

    If you live with someone new and share expenses, this may lessen the amount of child support you receive.

    In terms of spousal support, dating during divorce also wields substantial influence. Less formulaic than child support, the court weighs, among other elements, factors like:

      • Need.
      • Future earning potential.
      • Health.
      • Age.
      • What is just and equitable given the circumstances.

    Again, splitting expenses by sharing a home with another person may, in some cases, undercut alimony payments.

    Related Reading: Common Child Support Questions Answered

    Dating During Conflict

    Ending a marriage is already an intense and emotional time. Feelings are raw and egos get bruised. In some cases, dating during divorce accentuates these ill feelings. Seeing your ex with a new partner, or vice versa often intensifies conflict. For many people, it’s hard not to take it personally.

    Your ex may push harder or be more resistant than otherwise out of spite, whether conscious or not.

    If there are claims of adultery or marital misconduct, the other side may point toward dating during divorce to support those accusations, true or not.

    In short, it can make an already tense situation that much worse.

    Getting back out there after a marriage ends and starting to live life again is an important step for many people. Just because one relationship didn’t work doesn’t mean all are doomed to the same fate. Especially if you meet the new love of your life.

    At the same time, it’s important to consider the impact of dating during a divorce. Think about how it influences your case, what your kids think, and how it affects your life moving forward.

    Don’t make hasty, rash decisions, and don’t rub your ex’s nose in it. At best, that makes you look bad. At worst, you may hand your ex a potential advantage in the divorce process.

    Related Reading: How Does Legal Marijuana Impact Child Custody?

  • Social Security and Divorce: What to Know

    Over the course of a marriage, two lives become inexorably entwined. Divorce is the process of untangling them. A relatively straightforward feat in shorter unions, the longer you and your spouse stay together, the messier things get. Many people often neglect to account for how ending a marriage affects things like retirement, Social Security, and more.

    How Divorce Affects Social Security

    For marriages over ten years, you need to be aware of how divorce impacts Social Security. Here’s what you need to know.

    Social Security Basics

    When it comes to collecting Social Security benefits based on your former spouse’s work record, many factors come into play.

    You must have been married for at least ten years, be older than 62, and you must be currently unmarried.

    Whether or not your ex remarries doesn’t matter.

    To receive Social Security based on your former marriage, any benefit based on your work history must be less than what you’d get from your spouse.

    Essentially, you collect one or the other, not both, and receive the larger payout.

    To acquire these benefits, your former partner must actually be eligible for Social Security retirement or disability in the first place.

    Even if your ex hasn’t taken them yet, if you divorced more than two years ago, the law allows you to claim these allowances.

    Related Reading: Can You Make Major Purchases During a Divorce?

    Social Security Benefits

    So, you’re eligible to collect Social Security based on your former spouse’s work history. Great. What you get depends on what they qualify for and when you take them.

    • If you wait until you hit full retirement age, you’ll be eligible for payments that are half of what you would get.
    • However, if you opt to receive payments before you hit full retirement age, less money comes your way. And not only will the payments be less, but they also remain lower permanently.

    Related Reading: How is Student Loan Debt Handled in Divorce?

    If Your Ex Dies After The Divorce

    Death is a part of life, especially as we get older. Your ex may die before you. In this situation, there’s a bit of good news, as you may still be eligible to receive benefits.

    You may qualify as a surviving divorced spouse. If you fit this bill, the survivor benefits are 100% of what your ex received at the time of death.

    To meet these Social Security requirements, you must be older than 60, or 50 if you have a disability. And again, your marriage must have lasted at least ten years.

    Depending on the circumstances, remarriage also impacts whether or not you qualify as a surviving spouse.

    If you marry again before turning 60 (or 50 if you have a disability), you no longer meet the requirements.

    However, if you wait until after 60 (or, again, 50 in the right circumstances), you can remarry and still collect against your former spouse.

    Related Reading: How To Protect Your Business During A Divorce: How Is It Divided?

    Multiple Marriages

    It’s not uncommon for people to marry multiple times. And multiple divorces have become almost as common. This, of course, impacts potential Social Security benefits. It also matters which spouse has multiple exes.

    You married multiple times

    If you’ve been married and divorced multiple times, you can still collect Social Security based on your ex. As with most situations, ten years is the magic number. So, in the case of shorter marriages, you likely won’t qualify. And you can only collect a single benefit. If you were married three times, you don’t collect three checks. Sorry.

    Your ex married multiple times

    As long as your marriage lasted ten years or more, you can still claim Social Security benefits using your ex’s record. In fact, if they crossed the ten-year threshold, any former spouses qualify, no matter how many exist. If you meet the requirements, you get the benefits, even if there are other former spouses and even if they also apply.

    Related Reading: High Asset Divorce Mistakes And Divorce

    Social Security And Children

    In most situations regarding divorce, the presence of children complicates matters. Unsurprisingly, that’s also the case when it comes to collecting Social Security benefits after divorce.

    If you care for an ex-spouse’s child under the age of 16—the child must also be biologically yours or legally adopted—you qualify to receive benefits on your spouse’s work record at any time. Even if the marriage lasted less than ten years. These benefits continue until the child turns 16.

    When it comes to long-term marriages, Social Security often becomes an important retirement benefit. As with most legal issues, the rules and requirements get complex and tricky. However, this often represents a substantial amount. In many cases, it forms a vital piece of your financial puzzle. Because of that, it’s likely in your best interest to at least explore the idea.

    Also, any benefits your former spouse receives have no bearing on your own Social Security. Even those based on your work history.

    Related Reading: Property Division And Unexpected Divorce Assets

  • Third-Party Custody And Grandparents’ Rights In Oregon

    Families come in all shapes, sizes, and varieties. Most often parents are involved in a child’s life, but that’s not always the case. In some situations, grandparents or other third parties wind up with custody, raising another generation of kids. They may be the only parents a child ever knows.

    This often happens when a parent battles mental health or substance abuse problems and wind up leaving a child in the care of a grandparent for an extended amount of time.

    But what if they come back and want to cut off the connection between grandchild and grandparent? What rights do grandparents or other guardians have when it comes to custody and visitation in Oregon?

    The law protects the rights of parents, both biological and adoptive. These laws, however, don’t necessarily extend to grandparents.

    As in most cases involving minors, any visitation or custody cases put the best interests of the children above all other concerns. In most situations, the court presumes living with the parents is in the child’s best interest, but it’s possible to show otherwise.

    Related Reading: Best Interest Of The Child

    Can a Third Party Get Custody?

    As you might imagine, this isn’t a quick, simple, or easy process.

    Legally, a parent’s rights take precedence, but in Oregon, it is possible for a third party, including grandparents, to file for child custody.

    To petition for custody, grandparents must have an established “child-parent relationship.”

    What is a Child-Parent Relationship?

    ORS 109.119 provides a specific definition of this term. Under this law:

    “A child-parent relationship means a relationship that exists or did exist, in whole or in part, within the six months preceding the filing of an action under this section.

    “And in which relationship a person having physical custody of a child or residing in the same household as the child supplied, or otherwise made available to the child, food, clothing, shelter, and incidental necessaries and provided the child with necessary care, education and discipline, and which relationship continued on a day-to-day basis, through interaction, companionship, interplay, and mutuality, that fulfilled the child’s psychological needs for a parent as well as the child’s physical needs.”

    In short, if a grandparent serves as the primary guardian and caregiver, filling the traditional parental role, there may be grounds for the court to award third-party custody. Or at least, if they can show this, they have a sturdier case. Without this, the court isn’t likely to consider a grandparent’s claim.

    Oregon doesn’t limit these third parties to grandparents or even a child’s blood relations. Anyone with an established child-parent relationship can file for custody. The rules governing this are, understandably, a bit different.

    Under this statute:

    “[A] relationship between a child and a person who is the non-related foster parent of the child is not a child-parent relationship under this section unless the relationship continued over a period exceeding 12 months.”

    Related Reading: Parental Evaluations In Oregon

    Third-Party Temporary Power of Attorney

    Another common concern involves extended stays while the parents are away.

    One situation where this frequently arises is when single parents deploy in the military. It also pops up when parents travel for extended periods and leave kids with grandparents.

    If you watch a grandchild for an extended time, the court can bestow temporary power of attorney. In cases like these, it’s advisable to take this step.

    In Oregon, parents can give others the right to take care of their children for up to six months. This includes grandparents.

    Granting temporary power of attorney does not forfeit the parent’s rights. It does, however, allow a short-term caretaker the power to make the necessary decisions to preserve the child’s well-being.

    Granting temporary power of attorney doesn’t necessarily require court involvement. However, you must understand the implications of giving decision-making power to another person. The choices that individual makes carry consequences, financial and otherwise.

    Once a parent grants temporary power of attorney, they can revoke it at any time.

    The parent has the right to take the child back whenever they wish. If the document doesn’t specify a time frame, power of attorney expires after six months.

    Oregon also has a third-party custody statute. This provides for an involved individual to pursue court-ordered visitation or custody. While this frequently applies to grandparents, the law doesn’t limit it to them. This statute applies to other family members or parties who have a legitimate claim.

    Related Reading: Child Custody: The Best Interests of the Child

    When Can a Third Party File For Custody?

    Again, the court generally views living with their biological parents as the best option for children. But that doesn’t mean it’s true in every situation.

    If living with their birth parents puts a child in harm’s way, the court may grant custody elsewhere. This is most common in cases of neglect and abuse.

    Being awarded custody, especially against the objections of a present legal parent, is no easy feat.

    The grandparents, or another third party, need to prove that they truly represent the child’s best interests. They must rebut the presumption that it’s always better for a child to live with his or her parents.

    You must show:

    • That the legal parent is either unable or unwilling to provide adequate care for the minor child in question.
    • The grandparent, or another party if that’s the case, is or recently was the primary caregiver for the child.
    • If the request is denied, you must prove that it is detrimental to the well-being of the child.
    • The legal parent has previously encouraged or even consented to the relationship between the child and the grandparent.
    • That the legal parent restricted or outright denied contact between the grandparent and grandchild in an unreasonable fashion.

    How much the court weighs a particular component varies from case to case. Other elements and evidence are also up for consideration.

    At a basic level, your case needs to demonstrate that the legal parent isn’t acting in the child’s best interests. You must also demonstrate that a change in custody represents a substantial positive shift.

    But just because you satisfy these points doesn’t mean the court will automatically rule in your favor.

    Judges and the law give a great deal of credence to the parent-child relationship. There are many cases where, for instance, grandparents were the primary caregivers for six months or longer, but the court still denied a child custody claim.

    Related Reading: Custody Modification After the Final Judgment

    What About Visitation?

    Even if grandparents don’t pursue custody, visitation is another avenue to remain in the lives of grandchildren.

    Like with custody, if there are issues with the parents or guardians, you have to petition for visitation.

    The grounds for grandparents being awarded visitation in Oregon are similar to those for custody.

    Courts consider:

    • Whether the grandparent was the primary caregiver.
    • If denial of visitation negatively impacts the child.
    • Whether they were unreasonably denied contact.
    • If the parent has previously encouraged a relationship between grandparent and grandchild.

    Additionally, the court also weighs whether or not visitation interferes with the custodial relationship.

    Third-Party Rights When One Parent Has Primary Custody

    Generally speaking, both legal parents have equal rights to be part of a child’s life. But if the court awards one parent greater rights than the other, third-party rights may come into play.

    An example:

    Let’s say a grandfather watches his grandson while his son is at work. If no court order exists specifically outlining when the child is to spend time with the respective parents, then either parent can take the child from the non-parent on demand.

    In this case, the child’s mother could show up and take the child.

    However, if a current court order allocates specific parenting time, the other parent can’t take the child on demand.

    In the above situation, if the grandfather watches the grandson during the period the court order grants the son parenting time, the mother can’t take the child at will.

    If there is a court order laying out who has the child, it’s often useful to keep a copy on hand. This way, if the child is in a grandparent’s care and one parent tries to pull anything, you can reference the document.

    Third-party custody cases, whether they involve grandparents or not, are complicated.

    As with most situations involving children, their best interests take precedence over parental preference and convenience.

    Related Reading: Can I Sign Away Parental Rights?

  • Surviving Thanksgiving After Divorce

    Thanksgiving is almost upon us. Though it’s traditionally full of family, friends, and loved ones, this time of year is often tough for newly divorced dads. You may feel alone, especially if you don’t have your kids for the holiday. But there are ways to cope and survive what can be a difficult time.

    Many custody arrangements split major holidays between the parents. Part of establishing the parenting plan during divorce usually involves hashing this out. Every family is set up differently, so how this shakes out varies a great deal.

    Sometimes couples split the major holidays. For example, mom gets Christmas while dad takes Thanksgiving. Another common strategy is to alternate years. You get Thanksgiving next year, but this year the kids spend it with your ex.

    However the situation unfolds, holiday celebrations feel like they’re missing a major ingredient without your kids around.

    Feelings of sadness and depression may set in. Especially for newly divorced dads. Over time, you’ll probably come to terms with the situation, get used to it, and figure out ways to deal. And that first time stings the most.

    But you don’t have to wallow in misery and have a pity party. That’s not healthy or fun for anyone. There are ways to deal with Thanksgiving post-divorce, and here are just a few tips and suggestions to help you through.

    thanksgiving divorced dadsCelebrate Thanksgiving Another Way

    Just because Thanksgiving falls on a specific day doesn’t mean that’s when you have to celebrate. You don’t even have to see your kids in person. Set up a Zoom or Facetime celebration if you can’t see them face-to-face.

    And there’s no law against eating turkey on a day before or after the holiday proper—trust us, we’re lawyers, we looked into it. Your kids might even love having a second Thanksgiving. Who doesn’t love to double up on stuffing?

    Related Reading: Cinematic Lessons In Fatherhood: Great Movie Dads

    Do Something Fun, Alone

    Even though you may be on your own, that doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy yourself. Don’t waste the day off feeling sorry for yourself or moping. There’s nothing wrong with being alone and enjoying that time by yourself.

    You can go to the movies, watch Thanksgiving Day football games at a sports bar, and eat whatever you want. You can always volunteer somewhere and take your mind off of your problems for a while and do some good for your community.

    Rally The Troops

    There’s no reason you have to be alone on Thanksgiving, even if your children spend the holiday with your ex. Maybe you know other people in similar situations, who can’t be with family for one reason or another. A “Friendsgiving” is always a popular option.

    You’re probably not the only one looking for some comradery on the holiday. And if you make it a potluck, you don’t even have to do all the cooking and cleaning yourself. Win-win.

    Other Reading: Awesome Dad Movies

    Start New Thanksgiving Traditions

    You may have to pack up an old tradition and put it away. But what better time to start a new one? Or at least plan for something.

    Get with your kids and talk about what you want to do when this is all over. It can be a big, grand adventure, like a trip, or something small, like a movie date. Talk about what you want to do next Thanksgiving and maybe create a new family holiday ritual.

    Related Reading: Back to School Tips for Divorced Dads

    thanksgiving divorced dadsTalk to Your Kids

    Whatever you ultimately decide to do, the most important thing is to talk to your kids. You’re going through a tough, tumultuous time. But so are they. Your life changed dramatically. So did theirs.

    Remind them how much they mean to you and how much you care about them. It’s vital to take steps to ensure they’re comfortable, secure, and understand the new situation. Whatever that looks like.

    Do what you can to make sure they have a happy, fun Thanksgiving. In general, after divorce, open lines of communication with your kids are key, but it’s especially critical on holidays and other major events. Remember, this isn’t only about you.

    These are just a few tips and suggestions to help newly divorced dads through Thanksgiving. It can be tough, but remember, it’s a holiday designed for giving thanks and being grateful for what you do have, not what you don’t.

    You may not feel like dwelling on the positive, but it’s better than the alternative. Take care of yourself, hug your kids when you can, eat too much, and watch football. And take the time to appreciate the good things.

    Other Reading: Odd Divorce Laws From Around The World

  • Odd Divorce Laws From Around The World

    If you’ve ever been through or considered divorce in America, you’re probably familiar with the basic outline of what it requires. Though every case is different, there’s still a general pattern and process. Outside of the U.S., however, divorce laws often look completely different depending on the part of the world.

    If you’ve ever been curious about how different countries handle this, we compiled a list of strange, unusual, and just plain odd divorce laws from around the world.

    Odd Divorce Laws from Around the World

    1. When Modern Society Met Ireland

    It wasn’t until June 17th, 1997 that Ireland legalized divorce. The Irish Constitution of 1937 specifically forbade the practice.

    Although Ireland’s constitution prohibits the state from declaring an official religion, it is a majority catholic country. Deep religious beliefs influenced the vote in 1986 when 63.5 percent voted against amending the constitution.

    Only when the topic was revisited in 1994 did the law change by the narrowest margin, passing with a small winning vote of 50.3 percent.

    2. Last but Not Least

    Chile was one of the last countries to legalize divorce in 2004. And conservative Catholic lawmakers made the process difficult.

    In order to qualify, the couple must separate for a year. That’s only if they mutually agree; it’s three years if both parties don’t agree.

    You can waive the waiting period, however, if you prove infidelity, abuse, abandonment, homosexuality, prostitution, drug addiction, or criminal activity.

    3. Japan and limited provisions

    Most divorces in Japan are straightforward. The couple wanting to get a divorce only has to sign, seal, and file a one-page form.

    It doesn’t even require going to court.

    But things get a bit complicated when a divorce involves children. Japan doesn’t have a system in place for joint custody. Child support is given but children from that point forward only see the parent they live with.

    4. Japan’s 100 Day Wait Period

    In the past, Japan made women wait a total of six months before they could remarry. This law was modified in 2016.

    Now women only have to wait 100 days after ending a marriage if they are pregnant during the time of divorce. However, women who are not pregnant during the time of divorce no longer have to wait at all to marry again.

    It’s a very different system than what we see in America. According to the Japanese government, it’s used as a way to avoid uncertainty regarding the identity of the legally presumed father of any child born in that time period.

    Related Reading: How Long Does Divorce Take in Oregon?

    5. India Has the Lowest Divorce Rate in the World

    In India, only one percent of marriages end in divorce. Out of 1000 marriages, that means only 13 result in divorce. The practice was only recognized after the Hindu Marriage Act of 1955.

    Still, even if the law does recognize divorce, that doesn’t mean the judge will grant the request.

    Related Reading: Is the 50% Divorce Rate a Myth?

    6. Luxembourg Has the Highest Divorce Rate in the World

    Luxembourg has one of the smallest populations in Europe with a population of approximately 500,000. Yet their divorce rate is mind-boggling 87 percent.

    In order to end a marriage in Luxembourg, the states both parties must be over the age of 21 and married for a minimum of two years. Also, despite the divorce rate being so high, the population rate in Luxembourg grows exponentially every year.

    7. You Can’t Divorce in Vatican City

    Vatican City is a Catholic-run city-state governed by the Pope. Deeply Catholic as it is, it does not allow citizens to divorce. Surprising very few people.

    The Vatican is the smallest country in the world, covering approximately 100 acres with a permanent population of 842 all-Catholic residents. The majority of those who live in Vatican City are priests and the Pope’s staff.

    8. Most Common Reasons for Divorce

    While rates vary from country to country around the world, there isn’t much variance when it comes to reasons why people divorce.

    According to the records that the United Nations and other world organizations keep, the most common reasons people divorce are:

    • Incompatibility (44%)
    • Infidelity (18%)
    • Drug/Alcohol Abuse (9%)
    • Physical/Mental Abuse (6%)

    9. Australian Aboriginal Women May Divorce Instantly

    In most countries, the divorce process can take years. However, in Australia’s Aboriginal community, all a woman needs if she wishes to end her marriage is to say “I do” to another man.

    Alternatively, all she needs is to ask her current husband for a divorce and if he says yes, the marriage is simply over.

    10. Divorce is Not Allowed in the Philippines, Yet?

    The Philippines is the only UN member state with no legal provision for divorce inside the country. It’s the only country, aside from the Vatican, that still doesn’t allow the practice.

    Annulment is allowed under certain instances, such as for Muslims who wish to divorce, but Muslims only make up 5% of the predominantly Catholic population.

    Though divorce laws in the Philippines haven’t changed muhc since 1949, there have been steps made. In 2018 a divorce bill passed in the House of Representatives. In 2020, the debate still continued.

    Just last year, in August of2021, the House approved a bill allowing for “absolute divorce.” This was a huge stride for the people of the Philippines, though it still faces significant opposition.

    11. Double Dog Dare

    Fun fact: In Delaware, you can get an annulment if your marriage was based on a dare. No joke.

    According to Delaware Code Title 13, Chapter 15, 1506 (a) (6), the courts “shall enter a decree of annulment” if:

    “One or both parties entered into the marriage as a jest or dare.”

    So, if you and your pals get a little rambunctious one night and start daring each other to do things, and one of those is to get married, the fine state of Delaware has your back. We all know sometimes jokes go too far, so that’s nice to know, isn’t it?

    Know of any other strange or interesting divorce facts or laws from around the world? If you feel like sharing? Please leave them in the comment section down below.

  • Divorce Statistics: From the Interesting to the Surprising

    Looking at divorce statistics often gets overwhelming. It’s harrowing to hear that oft-repeated statement that 50% of marriages end in divorce. (FYI: The 50% figure is not accurate and has never reached that level.)

    Sometimes it’s tough to interpret the raw numbers and determine what they really mean. With that in mind, let’s take a look at some interesting, useful, or just downright surprising divorce statistics and provide some additional context.

    By the Numbers

    • The median ages for first marriages in the United States are 26.9 years old for men and 25.3 years old for women.
    • On the other end, the average age for couples going through their first divorce is approximately 30 years old—30.5 for men, 29 for women.
    • The average length of a first marriage that ends in divorce is roughly eight years—7.8 years for men, 7.9 for women.
    • Moving into second marriages that end in divorce, the timeline shortens somewhat. In these cases, the median length for men is 7.3 years, while for women it drops to 6.8 years.
    • If a person does ultimately remarry, the average time between their divorce and the next wedding is around three years—3.3 years for men, 3.1 years for women.
    • 2021, the most recent data available, saw 689,308 divorces and annulments in the United States. This represents a drop from 877,000 in 2011. In fact, the number of divorces in America has declined almost every year this millennium.
    • This number breaks down to almost 1889 divorces per day. Which averages out to roughly 79 divorces per hour and just over 1.3 divorces per minute.

    Related Reading: Millenials, Boomers, And Gen X-ers Oh My: Breaking Down Divorce Rates By Generation

    More Marriages = More Divorces

    It seems logical to think that after one divorce, people are less likely to divorce again. You learn some things through your experience and emerge wiser, with a better sense of what you want and need. Right?

    That certainly happens in some cases. People become more cautious and make sure a relationship is sturdy and stable before taking that next step. But that’s not how it happens in every case. Looking at the divorce statistics illustrates this point.

    In reality, with each subsequent marriage, the chances of divorce greatly increase. The numbers break down like this:

    • 41% of first marriages end in divorce.
    • 60% of second marriages end in divorce.
    • 73% of third marriages end in divorce.

    While these numbers appear staggering at first glance, it helps to remember that as a person goes along, the sample size shrinks significantly. There are substantially fewer third marriages than second, and substantially fewer second than first marriages.

    However, after all of this, if you still marry a fourth time, you may just be a glutton for punishment.

    Related Reading: What are Grounds for Divorce in Oregon?

    How Common Are Second Marriages?

    Divorce is so commonplace that most people barely bat an eye when finding out someone was married. Most of us have friends, family members, or are ourselves divorced.

    In 2004, a U.S. Census Bureau survey found that in 36% of weddings, at least one spouse was remarrying. That means, in more than one-third of marriages, one party had previously been married.

    This doesn’t mean, however, that every marriage ends in divorce or that everyone marries multiple times.

    In fact, like the divorce rate, the rate of remarriage has also declined steadily over the years. Research shows that between 1990 and 2019, the remarriage rate dropped nearly 50%.

    Men are statistically more likely to remarry, with a 35.1% remarriage rate, than women, who remarry at a 19.4% rate.

    Related Reading: Has The Divorce Rate Ever Been 50%? Nope.

    Declining Marriage Rates

    The overall marriage rate has declined steadily over the last few decades. Young people between the ages of 20-34 opting not to marry, or pushing it off until later in life, is a significant contributing factor.

    Since 2000, the percentage of this age group who haven’t married has spiked in every state. According to one 2016 report, 81% of this demographic in Washington DC remains unmarried.

    This number may be exaggerated in city centers where young people relocate to work, but it reflects a broader trend. In many states, the number currently hovers around 70%, whereas at the turn of the 21st century, the highest was 57%.

    Recent numbers are themselves indicative of a larger evolution. As of the 2020 U.S. Census, 46.9% of the population, more than 92 million Americans, were part of a married couple. This marks a decline from 2000, where that figure was approximately 55%, which continues a trend. For context, in 1990, that number was in the 60% range, and in 1970, it was above 70%

    Related Reading: 10 Truly Scary Divorce Facts

    What Do These Divorce Statistics Mean?

    In the end, what do all of these divorce statistics mean? They show current trends and illustrate how ideas on marriage and divorce evolve over time. They provide a removed, big-picture glimpse at the state of marriage and divorce.

    What these divorce statistics don’t offer is a look at individual situations and specific circumstances. It’s easy to glance at these figures out of context and think everything is doomed. But these numbers are just that, numbers.

    Divorce statistics that lean one way or another don’t mean that’s how every marriage plays out. Sometimes second and even third marriages stick and are wonderful. The people involved and the work they put in determine the success or failure of a marriage, not the numbers.

    Related Reading: Breaking Down Rates Divorce By Generation

  • Child Custody Modification After the Fact

    Circumstances evolve. People move, lose jobs, change living situations, and more. Divorce settlements and parenting plans are based on your situation at a particular moment in time. But what happens when things shift? What if you want to modify a child custody order after the final judgment has already come down?

    Can You Modify A Parenting Plan After The Final Judgment?

    For people in these situations, it can be frustrating. Fortunately, there are options available to adjust parenting schedules and increase your time with your kids. Even after the final judgment.

    Modifications and appeals provide opportunities for amending custody orders.

    That said, though it is possible, it’s usually an uphill battle. In the best scenarios, it’s a long, often expensive struggle. And even if you convincingly make your case, sometimes it’s just not enough to lead to a change.

    Related Reading: Custody: The Best Interests of the Child

    What is child custody modification?

    You can use the child custody modification process to change an order after the final judgment.

    This can amend where the child lives, the frequency and duration of visits, the amount of financial support, and other elements of the original parenting plan.

    Depending on what you want to change, modifications fall into one of two categories: major or minor.

    As the name implies, major modification requests significant changes to the parenting plan. Think of these as titanic shifts in the existing arrangement.

    A good example of a major change would be to request physical custody from your ex. Meaning your child lived with your ex, but now you want them to live with you.

    Minor modification, on the other hand, includes things like adjusting pickup times or switching drop-off locations for weekend visits.

    Related Reading: Dealing With Parental Alienation

    What Is The Process for Custody Modification?

    In many situations, especially when it comes to small things, parents often agree to changes on their own. We’re talking about small things, like swapping visitation weekends or pushing a pickup back a few hours to go to a Trailblazers game.

    Schedules change, things come up, and people need to adjust on the fly. This is a regular part of life.

    However, to make any permanent modifications to the parenting plan, major or minor, the court must evaluate them first.

    Before the court grants a modification, the person requesting the change must demonstrate a substantial reason. If you can’t show adequate cause, the court will most likely dismiss your case.

    Related Reading: Parental Evaluations In Oregon

    How Do You Qualify for a Custody Modification?

    Here’s where things get tricky. As we said, though child custody modification is possible, it’s a difficult proposition.

    However, if both parents agree on a new custody arrangement without the courts having to step in, that makes things much easier. It’s when the other parent contests the proposed alterations that things get messy.

    When it comes to custody, the courts place the child’s best interests above all other concerns. They aim to keep the child’s life as steady and consistent as possible. Because of this, they’re often hesitant to make substantial changes to an existing parenting plan. Like swapping living situations. The biggest exceptions are in cases of abuse or neglect, or where a child’s health or safety may be in danger.

    To achieve a modification, you have to demonstrate a significant change in circumstances. The courts are much less likely to consider requests that are more for parental convenience than other reasons.

    Examples of significant changes include:

    • One parent moving to another city or state, such that it would make it logistically difficult to abide by the parenting plan.
    • A drastic shift in the work schedule of one or both parents.
    • The primary parent being negligent, mentally or physically abusive, or unreliable.
    • The child wants to spend more time with the parent who was not awarded primary custody.

    To achieve a child custody modification, consulting an experienced family law attorney will help your case and increase your odds. A professional who has been through these situations before can be invaluable. They’ll be able to assess your case, give you a better idea of your chances of being successful, and offer advice about the best way to proceed.

    Because modifying a parenting plan after the final judgment is often so difficult, it’s best to do things right the first time. Custody cases are notoriously emotional and difficult. Still, taking the time and putting in the work upfront only benefits you and, most importantly, your kids.

    Related Reading: Can You Modify A Child Support Order?