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  • Oregon Parenting Evaluations

    Key Takeaways:

    • A parenting evaluation is a formal assessment of the parties’ parenting skills and the determination of which parent is best suited to be the child’s primary caregiver.
    • An impartial third party examines the facts and advises the court.
    • Although the court often places significant weight on parenting evaluations, the parties initiate them.
    • Custody evaluations can be much more thorough and less costly than pure litigation.

    Child custody cases often present challenges during and after a divorce, making it difficult for couples to reach an agreement. Ideally, parents would work together to create a parenting plan and residential schedule, but this doesn’t always happen.

    For parents mired in contentious custody battles, going to court can be an unsettling proposition. The question of how courts decide custody arises frequently. At a basic level, the best interests of the child take precedence over other concerns. Above convenience, parental preference, and all the rest.

    What Is A Parenting Evaluation?

    A parenting evaluation is a formal assessment of the parties’ parenting skills and the determination of which parent is best suited to be the child’s primary caregiver.

    Evaluations aren’t court cases, and so evaluators aren’t constrained by evidentiary rules. An impartial third party examines the facts and advises the court on what is in the children’s best interests.

    • They review documents,
    • interview witnesses,
    • speak to the children,
    • request assessments (drug, alcohol, psychiatric, etc.), and more.

    Custody evaluations can be much more thorough and less costly than pure litigation. The courts view these appraisals and recommendations as objective reports. As a result, parenting evaluations often lead to settlements.

    This often minimizes legal costs, attorney fees, and time associated with lengthy litigation.

    Related Reading: Enforcement Proceedings: Protecting Your Custody Rights

    Who Can Request a Custody Evaluation?

    Although the court often places significant weight on these evaluations, the parties initiate them. Either or both parents may request this option.

    In most cases, the attorneys agree on a private evaluator. But if they can’t, the courts have the discretion to appoint one.

    Usually, the party who makes the request foots the bill and the court reserves the contribution to trial.

    If you make the request, be prepared to pay the invoice when it is due. Parenting evaluations can be expensive, with costs ranging from thousands of dollars, depending on the circumstances.

    They are, however, generally less expensive than a full trial.

    Related Reading: How Legal Marijuana Impacts Child Custody

    How Do Courts Determine Custody?

    When determining child custody, courts consider several goals. Identified by the National Association of Social Workers, these are:

    • Identify the developmental needs of the child(ren);
    • Pinpoint the strengths, vulnerabilities, and needs of all other members of the family;
    • Identify the positive and negative family interactions.
    • Develop a plan for custody and access utilizing the strengths of each individual that will serve the best interests of the child(ren) and, within those parameters, the wishes and interests of the parents.

    Related Reading: What Happens When the Court Appoints a Guardian Ad Litem

    How is a Custody Evaluation Conducted in Oregon?

    Interviews form a big part of the process. This includes speaking with both parents, the child, significant caregivers, and people who spend substantial time with the children. Anyone who knows the child well and can provide insight into the situation, such as teachers, daycare providers, and others.

    Home visits to both parents’ residences also factor in, as do psychological assessments.

    Records and documentation are also important. The more relevant documentation you can provide to support your case, the better off you will be.

    It is important to note that relevance is paramount in documentation. Sheer volumes of irrelevant paperwork do nothing to further your case. In fact, it may cost you extra money in evaluation fees and damage your position.

    Providing relevant and organized documentation shows you’re methodical and dedicated to providing credible information.

    Educating yourself on your rights and your options as a parent is imperative. The outcome of your parenting evaluation may impact your relationship with your child for years to come.

    Related Reading: What Is The UCCJA? A Look At How It Protects Children

  • How Substance Abuse Impacts Divorce

    Countless factors contribute to the end of a marriage. Every situation unfolds differently, but drugs and alcohol too often play into divorce. Hugely detrimental to relationships, the question remains of how substance abuse impacts divorce.

    Addiction to alcohol, prescription pills, illegal drugs, and more affects millions of people and often has a catastrophic effect on families. Beyond personal problems, substance abuse impacts divorce and the divorce process in many ways. Some are expected, others less so.

    Related Reading: What Is The UCCJA? A Look At How It Protects Children

    When Does Substance Abuse Affect Divorce?

    At this point, all 50 states, including Oregon, practice no-fault divorce. This means that to dissolve a marriage, there’s no requirement for blame. Neither spouse is “innocent” or “guilty” in the court’s eyes. All the law requires is one spouse to declare a marriage broken, without hope of repair.

    Basically, if you ask for a divorce, whatever the underlying reason, the court will grant it.

    At least as long as you’re legally married and follow the proper procedure. Aside from that, there’s no need to show a specific cause.

    What this means is that, though substance abuse may be at the root of your divorce, it’s not always as impactful to the process. At least in the mechanics. Instead of asking why, the court focuses more on the fact that you want a divorce.

    While the reasons don’t necessarily factor in the process, there are still places where substance abuse impacts divorce. Where and how greatly vary from situation to situation, but it often affects settlements, child custody, and more.

    Related Reading: Do Criminal Charges Affect Custody Cases?

    How Substance Abuse Affects Child Custody

    The court sets the best interests of any children above all other concerns when determining custody. And this is one key area where substance abuse impacts divorce in a big way.

    If there’s a pattern of behavior that shows drinking or drugs damage parental ability, it’s less likely that the court will award that parent custody.

    Things like casual drinking or, now that it’s legal, recreational marijuana use likely won’t move the meter much. Illegal drugs will probably have much more of an influence.

    Regardless of the substance in question, however, if it puts the kids in harm’s way, judges don’t look kindly on that.

    Multiple drunk driving arrests or disappearing and going on three-day benders, these things negatively affect custody hearings. They don’t paint a picture of a stable, responsible parent.

    Depending on the severity of the addiction, the court has a number of ways to proceed. If a judge thinks a child is at risk, they may require supervision for all visitation. Often, this is the other parent or even an outside professional.

    A judge may even deny any overnight visits. Courts also often require regular drug or alcohol screenings, and continued visitation may hinge on participation in a treatment program. It’s not uncommon for the court to require a parent to attend Alcoholics Anonymous meetings or go through similar programs.

    In general, the worse things are, the harsher the consequences.

    Serious cases may result in one parent getting sole custody and the addicted parent receiving no visitation at all. It’s even possible for a judge to terminate custodial rights completely.

    This is usually reserved for extreme circumstances, like if a parent injures the child or puts them at risk. But judges don’t want things to get that far, so they often proceed with caution.

    Related Reading: How Legal Marijuana Affects Custody

    What About the Division of Property?

    The division of property is a huge part of the process and is another spot where substance abuse can impact divorce. Courts don’t use splitting marital assets as a punishment, but excessive drug or alcohol use may still play a role depending on the situation.

    Substance abuse most often factors into the division of property when it directly impacts a couple’s finances.

    Did one spouse run up excessive bills on a joint credit card at the bar? Did they steal items to sell or trade for drugs? What if the blow through shared savings getting wasted?

    In all of these examples and more, substance abuse can impact divorce and property division.

    In these cases, the court may use this step to balance things out. It’s possible for a judge to award the wronged spouse a bigger piece of the couple’s shared to make up for this. It doesn’t always, but it happens more often in this type of situation.

    Related Reading: What Is A Status Quo Order?

    Can It Affect Spousal Support?

    Substance abuse can affect spousal support in much the same way it can impact the division of property.

    Again, the judge can award alimony if a spouse’s actions negatively impact a couple’s financial standing. If one spouse drains a joint bank account pursuing an addiction, the court may call for additional spousal support.

    If you worry about your spouse gutting your savings or racking up debts, taking steps to protect your finances may be in order.

    It’s possible to put money in separate bank accounts in only your name or to place valuable items in storage so they can’t be sold. Steps like this often help limit the potential financial fallout.

    Interestingly enough, when it comes to spousal support, substance abuse can also have an unexpected effect.

    It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes the court awards additional financial assistance to the addicted spouse.

    They may require help getting on their feet and finding treatment. This most commonly happens when this individual is earnest about reclaiming their life. Again, this is fairly rare, but it does happen.

    Coping with addiction is never easy, whether it’s your own or a loved one. Drugs and alcohol have ruined countless relationships. While it can be devastating on a personal level, substance abuse impacts divorce in a variety of ways.

    Related Reading: Writ Of Assistance, Divorce and Child Custody

  • How to Divorce in Oregon

    We often field questions about how to divorce in Oregon.

    Filing for divorce sounds like a harrowing, dramatic undertaking, and it usually gets complicated. Ending a marriage often becomes a long, intricate process.

    There are hearings, mediation, meetings with attorneys, arbitration, custody disputes, property division, and more. Then you have the divorce forms to contend with.

    How Do You Divorce In Oregon

    On a basic level, divorcing in Oregon isn’t nearly as complicated as many assume. It is a process to be sure, but the steps are relatively straightforward.

    Still, being as prepared as possible will only benefit your case. It never hurts to familiarize yourself with the stages before hand and know what lies ahead.

    With that in mind, here’s an overview of the process and a look at the divorce forms you may encounter.

    Fill Out The Divorce Forms

    Like with any process, there is a moment when it begins.

    In the case of divorce, that happens when one spouse completes and files the Petition for the Dissolution of Marriage. This is where the process truly begins.

    Five pages long, this form lays out all the pertinent facts about the case.

    Though the underlying reasons for ending your marriage are likely complicated, this first step is relatively simple.

    On this form, you provide all the pertinent information for you and your spouse. This includes:

    • Where you live.
    • The date of your marriage.
    • The length of your marriage.
    • Each party’s current living situation.

    You also answer other relevant questions. Depending on the situation, this includes information about:

    • Child custody/guardianship.
    • Child Support.
    • Spousal support.

    You must also disclose any shared assets and debts at this juncture.

    Related Reading: 9 Common Mediation Questions Answered

    Forms For Two Types Of Divorce

    In Oregon, there are two types of divorce. The appropriate type depends on the specifics and complexity of your case. This also impacts the forms you need to fill out and submit.

    Oregon is a no-fault divorce state, so there’s no need or space to assign blame for the end of the marriage. You don’t have to prove your ex was the problem, if you want to divorce, the state won’t stand in your way.

    SUMMARY DISSOLUTION

    Relatively simple, straightforward marriages often qualify for summary dissolution. This allows you to end your marriage without the cost and hold-up inherent in court hearings.

    Summary dissolution may be an option if:

      • You’ve been married for less than ten years.
      • There are no minor children or adult children still in high school.
      • You have little or no shared property to divide.
      • Personal property valued at less than $30,000.
      • Total joint debt comes to less than $15,000.
      • Both parties give up claims to spousal support.

    If you meet these conditions, you may qualify for a summary dissolution. There are specific forms to fill out if you go this route.

    Petition for Summary Dissolution of Marriage/Domestic Partnership
    Summons for Summary Dissolution
    Declaration Acceptance of Service
    Record of Dissolution of Marriage

    STANDARD DIVORCE

    If your case does not meet the summary dissolution requirement, you must follow a more traditional path to divorce in Oregon. What you need to file varies depending on the circumstances.

    Couples without children need to fill out the following forms:

    Acknowledgment About Dissolution
    Petition for the Dissolution of Marriage
    Petitioner’s Affidavit Supporting Judgment of Dissolution
    Affidavit/Acceptance of Service
    Record of Dissolution of Marriage

    Things are different when children are involved in the process. Custody disputes often become heated and contentious, and the divorce forms also vary.

    With minor children in play, in addition to the standard divorce forms, you must fill out others that lay out support payments, child custody, visitation, and more.

    Co-Petition Dissolution With Children

    File The Forms With The Court

    You must meet the state’s residency requirement to file for divorce in Oregon. It varies by state, but here you must live within its borders for at least 6 months.

    You can also file here if you moved away, but your spouse lives in Oregon. However, the petitioning spouse must submit a certificate of residency confirming that one of you still lives there.

    When it comes to which county to submit to, you have two choices.

    • You can file for divorce in the county in which you reside.
    • Or you opt for the county where your spouse lives.

    There’s no need to file in the county where you initially married. There is, of course, also a fee to file your divorce papers.

    Related Reading: Jurisdiction And Divorce: Where You File Matters

    Serve Your Spouse

    Once you file the appropriate forms with the appropriate court, the next step to divorce in Oregon is serving your spouse. This makes your intentions known. In most cases, this is accomplished by hiring an outside process server.

    However, if you enlist a divorce attorney, he or she generally also handles this step. In uncontested divorces, your spouse only needs to sign the Acceptance of Service to acknowledge delivery.

    When the non-filing spouse signs the Acceptance of Service form, this states that they received the papers. After service, it’s the petitioner’s responsibility to submit the signed acceptance to the court. The case can’t move forward until your spouse has all the paperwork in hand.

    Just like there is a Petition for the Dissolution of Marriage, there is also a Response to the Petition for the Dissolution of Marriage. If the person served—also known as the respondent—doesn’t agree with all of the requests on the Petition, that individual then files a response. This document lists all objections and any counterrequests.

    Related Reading: How Is A Business Divided In A Divorce?

    Complete Financial Disclosures

    In Oregon, the courts require both parties to hand over complete financial disclosures.

    This means each must provide a comprehensive list of all assets and all debts. Failure to follow these rules may result in substantial fines and other monetary penalties.

    When it comes to property division, Oregon is an equitable distribution state. Where community property states view all assets and debts accumulated during a marriage as the equal property of both spouses, equitable distribution considers it as belonging to whoever acquired it.

    No specific formula exists for dividing property, but the court does its best to split any shared assets or obligations in a fair and equitable fashion.

    Related Reading: How Is Debt Divided In Divorce?

    Sign And File

    By this point, you’ve accomplished filing for divorce. Which is really just the start. Now you have to go through the divorce process.

    In uncontested divorces, things can and often do proceed smoothly. Under ideal circumstances, when both sides agree on the issues, it involves little more than signing and filing a handful of forms.

    Signing and filing the final documents is precisely what it sounds like. There are forms to fill out regarding property division, child custody, support, visitation, and other specifics of your case.

    Once both sides reach a final agreement, the court examines the paperwork. If everything is in order, the judge signs off and your divorce becomes official.

    In contested divorces, things become more difficult.

    As friction increases, so do the complications. You often have to sit down and go through mediation or arbitration to reach an agreement. If neither of those strategies works, you may be destined to go to trial, and the court will decide for you.

    All of these additional hurdles add time, stress, and money to the divorce process.

    You may want to retain counsel, especially if things get heated and contentious. An experienced divorce attorney guides you through the legal system toward an optimal outcome.

    Related Reading: Is January Really Divorce Month?

    Finalizing Divorce in Oregon

    As they lay out the concrete terms of your split, these final documents are some of the most vital divorce forms.

    At the top of this list is the General Judgement of Dissolution. Why is this so important? This is the big boss, be-all end-all of your divorce in Oregon.

    This spells out all of the terms and agreements in explicit detail. Child custody, child support, spousal support, debt division, and all the other issues you’ve fought for through the process.

    A judge signs the General Judgement, and you and your spouse are legally bound. Because of that, it’s critical to ensure this document is prepared correctly, that everything agreed upon appears in writing, and that there are no errors. If you ever have questions in the future, refer to this document first.

    Related Reading: Should I File for Divorce First?

    Troubleshooting the Divorce Forms

    • Make sure that you have the most current versions of the appropriate divorce forms.
    • Fill them out clearly and completely — take your time, use your best penmanship.
    • Sign the divorce forms in the appropriate places.
    • Double-check that they are complete and keep copies for your personal records.

    Divorce has such a huge impact on your life that it’s vital to take the time to make sure you do everything right.

    Related Reading: Divorce or Legal Separation: Similarities and Differences

  • Can My Ex Come After My New Spouse’s Income?

    Child support tends to get tricky. There’s a formula involved, but it accounts for many factors. Of course, the income of both parents, as well as level of need, figure prominently in the final amount. But does a new spouse’s paycheck influence the number?

    Like most court orders, once in place, child support is difficult to modify, though it can be altered. To accomplish this, however, you must show a significant change in circumstances. One question that comes up often is, if you remarry, can your ex come after your new spouse’s income?

    Our founding partner, Rick Jones, regularly appears on 102.5 KZOK, where he addresses questions from listeners. One recent caller had this exact question about how a new spouse and their income may impact child support payments.

    Listen to the Conversation Below:

    Caller: “I pay child support and I recently got remarried. Can my ex-husband come after me for more child support, including my new spouse’s income?”

    Danny: “That is a great question. I’ll tell you how I know [it’s a great question]: I don’t know the answer at all. So what happens?”

    Rick’s Answer:

    Rick: “Well, the answer is most likely no, he can’t come for any support. The only question I guess I would have for you to make sure I’ve answered correctly is: Is there any chance that you now are going to give up the job you’ve been working to stay at home either to start a new family or just live the life of luxury?“

    Caller: “Well, when I got divorced, I had a better-paying job, and I no longer have that job.”

    Rick: “Did you do that by choice? Are you voluntarily underemployed? I guess that is what I’m asking you.”

    Caller: “No, I’m currently employed.”

    Danny: “Okay, you’re good. You got the main word from Rick Jones. So does it matter if [your new spouse] is Bill Gates? If she keeps her job, are they gonna say, ‘You know Bill Gates is in the house, why doesn’t she have a new Ferrari?”

    Rick: “Because it’s not Bill Gates’s kid.”

    Danny: “So they don’t care if you married Bill Gates?”

    Rick: “It’s a stroke of fairness, god forbid.”

    Danny: “I wouldn’t care if either one of you guys married Bill Gates.” 

    Related Reading: Do Criminal Charges Impact Child Custody?

  • Do I Need a Prenuptial Agreement?

    When most of us think of a prenuptial agreement, we think of wealthy couples with more money than we can ever dream of. We’re talking about celebrities, rock stars, professional athletes, titans of industry, and Hollywood A-listers. After all, those folks have tons of assets to protect.

    So prenups are just for the super-rich, right? Though a common perception, that’s not necessarily the case. At some point before saying, “I do,” you should ask yourself, “Do I need a prenuptial agreement?”

    Granted, most of us don’t have mansions, multiple estates, or a fleet of exotic cars, but what we do have is important.

    Losing part of a pension or 401(k) is a significant blow to our retirement plans. Thousands of dollars to buy an ex out of a mortgage on a home is tough to come by. You worked hard to build your business and don’t want to give even part of it away. And our cars may not be Bentleys, but they’re not exactly cheap either.

    While the stigma is that a prenuptial agreement is just for marriages where one spouse has a great deal of wealth, that’s not always the case. Even if you’re by no means rich, a prenup still serves to protect what you have in the event of divorce.

    No one wants to bet against a marriage, and prenups have a reputation as being a sign of hesitation or uncertainty. However, if you want to make sure to cover yourself in the event things work out, or if you have specific assets you want to safeguard, it may be the smart strategy.

    Related Reading: Breaking Down Divorce by Generation

    WHAT IS A PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT?

    Technically speaking, a prenuptial agreement is a contract a couple enters into before marriage. It stipulates ahead of time how property will be divided in the case of divorce.

    Though there aren’t any specific requirements of what a prenup must contain, many couples use a what’s-mine-stays-mine, what’s-yours-stays-yours approach. This way, each party leaves the marriage with what they brought to the table.

    The concept of a prenuptial agreement is simple, but like most legal matters, it’s usually much more complex in practice.

    Topics covered in prenups vary wildly. Beyond the division of property, some people try to include provisions for child custody, spousal support, or even clauses regarding infidelity.

    Many of these inclusions, however, aren’t legally enforceable and the court may toss them out.

    For instance, stipulations in a prenuptial agreement regarding spousal support are generally allowed. However, if there are problems with the document, or the terms skew too drastically in one direction, a judge can dismiss them.

    On the other hand, things like child custody and child support in a prenuptial agreement are not generally enforceable.

    While a couple may try to get ahead of any potential issues in this area, the court has the final say. If the terms of a prenup are reasonable and truly represent the best interests of the child, the final judgment may look like what was put down on paper, but ultimately it’s up to the judge.

    Related Reading: Is Oregon a Community Property State?

    DO I NEED A LAWYER FOR A PRENUP?

    Like with so many legal matters these days, there are a variety of online forms and templates and do-it-yourself resources available to help draft a prenuptial agreement.

    At the same time, these tend to be complicated, detailed documents that require a specific format. They must address many areas across both marriage and divorce.

    Unless a prenuptial agreement is carefully and accurately constructed, it may not stand up in court. Sure, you save a few dollars in the short term by doing it yourself, but if it fails to protect your assets, you waste a great deal of time and money.

    Because of this, it’s probably a good idea to work with a lawyer or at least have one take a look at the paperwork. An attorney will help create a prenup that’s more likely to hold up under scrutiny and carry substantial legal weight.

    Related Reading: How Student Loan Debt Affects Divorce

    SO, DO I NEED A PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT?

    Ultimately, the question is whether or not you need a prenuptial agreement. This depends on multiple factors, like what you have to protect, if your spouse is open to the idea, and many others.

    Every situation is different, so there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. But there’s a lot to consider.

    Many people think of prenuptial agreements as a pessimistic move or that you’re dooming your marriage to fail. Others think they’re only necessary for wealthy individuals with fat bank accounts. But depending on your circumstances, it may provide an extra layer of security. You hope you’ll never need it, but if you do, you’ll be happy you took the steps.

    You can also use one preemptively to do things like shield an anticipated inheritance. If one spouse earns substantially more, it can limit future support payments. When your spouse has significant debts, a prenup may protect you from becoming liable for those. One can also safeguard a business in the event of divorce.

    Related Reading: How to Protect Your Business in the Case of Divorce

    ARE THERE OTHER STRATEGIES TO PROTECT ASSETS?

    Instead of using a prenuptial agreement, some people try other means to protect themselves.

    One common strategy is to keep certain assets or accounts in one name or the other. This can work, but it doesn’t protect you financially in every situation.

    For example, if you already own a house, you may keep it in your name alone after the wedding. But in Oregon, the state considers any appreciation that happens during a marriage shared property, regardless of whose name appears on the title. If your home increases in value, that additional sum becomes joint property. As such, it may be divisible if you split.

    Despite the negative stigma attached, there are many valid reasons to consider a prenuptial agreement. If the goal is to protect your interests and assets in the case of divorce, it’s certainly worth consideration.

    If you’re getting married, congratulations. And if you have questions about whether you need a prenuptial agreement, feel free to contact Goldberg Jones at our Portland office.

    Related Reading: Prenuptial Agreements: Not Just for the Super-Rich

  • Creating a Divorce Strategy

    Divorce often looms on the horizon for quite some time before a couple finally pulls the trigger. In many cases, people are emotionally prepared for the process by the time they file the documents. But being emotionally prepared and being ready in a practical sense are two different things. Ending a marriage is a tricky proposition, and creating a divorce strategy ahead of time often helps people through the process.

    How To Create A Divorce Strategy

    You have many things to consider when creating a divorce strategy. Each situation is unique, so not everything applies equally across the board. Your choices depend on many factors: length of the marriage, whether or not you have children, employment status, and various needs. Among countless other considerations.

    That said, here are common steps to consider when creating a divorce strategy.

    1. Prepare Ahead Of Time

    In most cases, divorce doesn’t come as a shock. As we said, people often consider it for a long time—and they should, it’s a life-changing decision. But this also provides the advantage of being able to prepare. Take steps to set up a divorce strategy ahead of time.

    Meet with an attorney, start saving money, and figure out exactly what you want and need from a divorce settlement. You can even make plans for when the deal is done.

    Related Reading:  A Guide to Getting Divorced In Oregon

    2. Know The Laws In Your State

    Laws regulating divorce vary a great deal from one state to the next. There’s no excuse for not knowing them.

    In fact, not being aware of the rules in play can cost you when it comes to child custody, spousal support, and other areas.

    For example, Oregon is an equitable distribution state as opposed to our neighbors, Washington and California, which follow community property statutes.

    This impacts how the court divides assets and debts when it comes to the divorce settlement. As such, it can have a substantial and lasting impact. This is just one example of how laws differ from state to state. Custody, child support, and other areas have different regulations depending on where you live.

    Related Reading: What is Equitable Distribution?

    3. Get Your Finances In Order

    Divorce often costs quite a bit of money, which probably doesn’t come as a surprise. Whether we’re talking about a simple, do-it-yourself split or an epic knock-down-drag-out courtroom trial, there are expenses every step of the way. Even just filing the initial paperwork comes with a fee.

    Every appearance, hearing, and motion adds additional expenses. It’s even more if you hire an attorney. Part of creating a divorce strategy should include saving money so you don’t get blindsided when fees pop up.

    Related Reading: How Is Debt Divided?

    4. Organize

    Are you good at juggling things and keeping details straight? Good, you’ll need to be as you navigate divorce. It’s like lobbing a hand grenade into your schedule.

    You have appearances to make, meetings with your attorney, mediation appointments, and all kinds of places to be.

    There are forms to fill out, documents to share and collect, assets to divide, and more. It may initially seem like a headache to keep everything straight, but being as organized as possible is a key step in creating a divorce strategy. It only benefits you and your case.

    Related Reading: Mistakes Men Make In Divorce

    5. Gather Financial Records

    Piggybacking on the last step, one of the most important places to organize is your financial records.

    Splitting up assets and debts has a huge impact on your economic footing moving forward. As such, it behooves you to prepare. During this stage, you need to disclose all of your assets.

    This includes:

    • Bank accounts.
    • Pensions.
    • 401(K)s.
    • Property.

    You must also list all of your debts like:

    • Mortgages,
    • Car payments
    • Student loans.
    • Credit card balances.

    Know as much as possible about your collective financial state. For example:

    • How much do you make?
    • How much does your spouse earn?
    • What property is in each of your names?

    Understanding your finances is a significant part of creating a divorce strategy.

    Related Reading: Ways to Save Money on Your Divorce

    6. Create A Divorce Strategy For The Kids

    Divorce is tough on everyone, but it’s especially important to look after the most vulnerable participants: your children.

    Emotions run high when a case involves kids and people don’t always think straight.

    Learn about child custody laws in Oregon. Find out how the state calculates child support and dig into topics like visitation and parenting plans.

    The legal stuff, however, only forms part of it.

    You have a lot going on, but so do they. Children need support during the process. They require child care and someone looking after them, just like any other time.

    Additionally, there are added pressures and emotions to deal with. It’s vital to keep an eye on them and what they need and to let them know they’re loved even in this stressful time. Maybe that’s checking in regularly, but maybe it requires something more significant.

    Related Reading: Calculating Child Support

    7. Safeguard Your Credit

    During a marriage, you and your spouse enter into all kinds of joint financial arrangements. You share credit cards, sign for car loans, and put your names on mortgages.

    Divorce doesn’t automatically change any of these agreements, which is important to know as it can impact your credit.

    Divorce settlements often detail which spouse remains responsible for which debts. They usually contain provisions that your ex must make certain payments or even refinance a loan to remove your name.

    That’s great if it happens, but if it doesn’t, you may take the hit.

    It hurts your credit, and in some cases, if your name stays still on a bill, creditors will come after you to collect. Part of creating a divorce strategy should entail keeping an eye on your credit.

    Related Reading: Can You Make Major Purchases During a Divorce?

    8. Create A Support Network

    During what can be a chaotic, emotional, trying time, it’s important to look after your mental health.

    Having a support system in place is a substantial part of this. Know who has your back, where to turn to for both legal and personal advice, and even financial help.

    You may need someone to watch the kids while you’re in mediation. Or maybe you just need a friend to have a beer with and remember what normal feels like.

    Friends, family, loved ones, and even support groups are often vital in divorce. Taking care of yourself is essential.

    Related Reading: Should You File for Divorce First?

    9. Hire A Divorce Lawyer

    There are more resources available for DIY divorce than ever before. In reality, you can end a marriage with little more effort than downloading, filling out, and filing the appropriate forms.

    But it doesn’t take much for the dissolution of marriage to get complicated. Even if you don’t wind up hiring a divorce attorney, consider exploring your options.

    This is especially true if your spouse has representation. An experienced attorney helps create a divorce strategy and guides you through the process. Sometimes you need a skilled pro in your corner.

    Related Reading: DIY Divorce in Oregon

    10. Plan For The Future

    Creating a divorce strategy isn’t always just about the divorce. Caught in the middle, it’s all too easy to get lost in the day-to-day fight.

    But divorce is about more than right now, it’s about the future. Don’t lose sight of that, even if all you want is to get through and put this behind you.

    There are practical concerns, like changes in tax status, child custody and support, and finding a new place to live to consider. You need to address all of that, of course. But don’t forget to take the time to look at the positive and to consider the ways your life will improve.

    Even if it’s not much, dedicate a little time to thinking about and exploring the possibilities. It can do wonders for your frame of mind.

    Ending a marriage represents a titanic shift. Ideally, divorce is a move in a positive direction, but that doesn’t mean the process isn’t chaotic and stressful. There’s conflict to attend to, forms to file, bills to pay, and unexpected twists and turns.

    Creating a divorce strategy ahead of time often helps smooth out the process. You’ll surely still encounter some unexpected bumps, but preparation can keep them to a minimum and help you deal with them when they do pop up.

    Related Reading: Should I Move Out During Divorce?

  • Should You Sell Your Home During Divorce?

    For most of us, a house is the biggest purchase we ever make. It’s a huge commitment in money, time, resources, and emotions. Because it’s the most valuable thing we own, it often becomes a big issue in ending a marriage. The question frequently arises of whether or not to sell your home during a divorce, so we will dig into that topic for a while.

    Should You Sell Your Home During Divorce?

    Many reasons exist to hold onto a house. Some are emotional. You put a lot of time and energy into the home and feel a deep connection. That’s often difficult to leg to go of. Others are practical. For instance, it helps maintain continuity for the kids. You may view it as an investment, especially with current real estate prices.

    Whatever your circumstances, eventually, the question will come up of whether or not to sell your home during a divorce.

    This situation generally plays out in one of three ways:

    • First, one party buys out the other and keeps the house. That’s fairly straightforward, but it also takes money.
    • Second, if there are children, the custodial parent stays in the home, usually until the youngest child turns 18, and then they sell the house.
    • Third, the couple sells the house immediately and divides the profits.

    Cases, of course, vary a great deal from one to another. No two are alike. You have several questions to answer when deciding whether or not to sell your home during the divorce process.

    Related Reading: How Is Property Divided In Divorce In Oregon?

    Factors to Consider When Deciding to Sell Your Home

    While far from exhaustive, these are a few questions you should ask in this situation.

    What’s The Market Like?

    One consideration that impacts whether to sell your home during a divorce is the market. Real estate prices fluctuate and vary from one location to the next, by time of year, and more. Sometimes it’s hot, other times it’s cool.

      • Do you live in a buyer’s or seller’s market?
      • Can you get market value?
      • Will you bring in more than you owe on the mortgage?

    All of these are important questions to ask. You may or may not be able to sell your house in the first place. Even if you can, the process takes time.

    Beyond that, you may not be able to get the price you want.

    In many other cases, homeowners rush to unload a house as fast as possible for unfavorable prices. You don’t want to sell your home during divorce and take a loss if you can avoid it.

    Related Reading: When Do You Need a Divorce Lawyer?

    Are You Better Off With Other Assets?

    Because a house is such a big piece of the financial puzzle, it’s easy to focus on that. It’s not the only piece, however.

    In some cases, you may be better off letting it go in favor of taking other assets in the settlement.

    Getting the house seems like a big victory, but it also raises other issues. You have to maintain it, pay property taxes, and more.

    If you ultimately decide to sell it down the road you face capital gains taxes if the property increases in value. And by focusing on one big thing, you may miss out on other financially or emotionally valuable assets.

    Related Reading: How to File for Divorce in Oregon

    What Are The Benefits Of Selling?

    When deciding whether or not to sell your home during divorce, it’s important to do a quick cost-benefit analysis. In short, do the benefits outweigh the costs? Consider what you gain by keeping or selling the house.

    Divorcing couples often want to make a clean break. Unloading a shared home, one with lots of emotional baggage certainly accomplishes this.

    You also free yourself from a major financial burden. You may sell your home during divorce and make a tidy profit in the right circumstances. That helps offset some of the other costs or even helps start your new life on the right foot.

    Related Reading: Common Financial Mistakes That Impact Divorce Proceedings

    Do You Want To Live There?

    A good question to ask before you sell your home during divorce or not is whether you even want to live there.

    Lay out your reasons and determine if you really want the house or not.

    Do you want the house simply to keep it from your soon-to-be-ex? Is the house too big for you? It’s important to be honest with yourself. It may be best to break ties and sell your home during the divorce and start over somewhere new.

    There are plenty of legitimate reasons to want to stay in a residence. Maybe it’s your dream house or the only place you’ve ever felt truly at home. If it’s where you raised your kids, maybe you’re not ready to let those good memories go yet. Some people just hate moving.

    But again, whatever the circumstances, it’s important to be aware of the whys.

    Related Reading: Why Moving Out During Divorce Can Be A Big Mistake

    Can You Afford to Keep the House?

    Maintaining a house is expensive. With all of the financial changes you go through while ending a marriage, you have to consider whether or not you can realistically afford the cost.

    Your tax status shifts and you may have child or spousal support payments. Those are all new monetary obligations. Add to that, you may have to pay the mortgage, property taxes, and bills from a single income for the first time.

    As much as you want to remain, your financial situation may dictate otherwise. Once you examine the harsh economic realities, you may be better of if you move on.

    It’s often difficult to let go and sell a home during divorce, but it’s also often the best choice. Don’t think of it as an end but as a beginning. Now you have the opportunity to start fresh and make new memories.

    You can find a house that better fits your needs, move to a neighborhood where you’ve always wanted to live, or relax knowing there aren’t painful recollections lurking in every corner.

    However it plays out, whether you sell or don’t, you have some big questions to answer.

    Related Reading: What are the Grounds for Divorce in Oregon?

  • Tips For Keeping Child Custody Exchanges Civil

    At best, custody exchanges are likely to be awkward; at worst, we’re talking open warfare.

    Unfortunately, however, if you have kids, these interactions are usually a post-divorce reality.

    While it may not be ideal for you or your ex, there are ways to handle the tense, unfriendly moments when you’re face-to-face with a part of your past you’d rather not revisit.

    How Can You Make Custody Exchanges Go Smoother?

    No child wants to watch their parents fight. And as far as you’re concerned, arguing with your ex won’t accomplish anything but raising your blood pressure. Doing what you can to keep things calm is best for everyone.

    With that in mind, here are a few tips and strategies to make custody exchanges go as smoothly as possible. Or at least as fast as humanly possible.

    1)  Make Sure Everything Is Packed And Ready To Go

    Before your ex arrives to pick up the kids for custody exchanges, make sure they have everything they need. Pack up everything for the night, weekend, or vacation, and prepare for departure.

      • Are they on regular meds?
      • Does one of the kids need an inhaler?
      • Can your child not sleep without a security blanket or favorite teddy bear?
      • Do they have their schoolwork, books, and study materials? (That report on the construction of the Hoover Dam won’t finish itself.)
      • Are their cleats ready to go for soccer practice tonight?

    Whatever is important, both in a general sense and in a specific situation, pack it up. Double-check, maybe make one last perimeter sweep, and get it ready.

    This minimizes the amount of contact you have with your ex and may ease the tension all around.

    Best of all, when you take care of everything in advance, you won’t get any annoying late-night phone calls looking for an item you made sure to send.

    Related Reading: Parental Evaluations In Oregon

    2)  Make Custody Exchanges At School

    There are also many different ways to arrange for the kids to trade with your ex. These strategies reduce the time you have to endure, preemptively eliminate opportunities for conflict, and minimize one-on-one interactions as much as possible.

    Here’s a simple, easy, effective one: Use your children’s compulsory education to your advantage and make custody exchanges at school.

    One parent drops them off in the morning, the other picks them up in the afternoon. That way, no one has to see anyone they’d rather not.

    As the parents aren’t both there, this can get tricky. Schools have become increasingly aware of custody issues and children’s whereabouts outside of school hours. (Anyone else remember just walking home from elementary school alone like it was no big deal?)

    Depending on the age of your kids and the degree of supervision they require, you may want to, or be compelled to make a plan with the administrators.

    Related Reading: Best Interest Of The Child

    3)  Make Custody Exchanges At Daycare Or A Babysitter’s

    This has similar benefits and drawbacks to the previous suggestion. You can drop the kids off at daycare, and your ex can pick them up. You pass like proverbial ships in the night. Regardless, the result is the same. This may spare you any unpleasant in-person encounters.

    It’s a win for everybody.

    Depending on the size of the daycare, or if the babysitter only looks after your kids on specific days, it may even be easier to schedule, work out the logistics, and let the appropriate parties know the plan rather than trading off at school.

    Related Reading: Dealing With Parental Alienation

    4) Make Custody Exchanges In A Neutral Public Place

    There’s nothing like an audience to make people behave themselves. So where better to get one than in a public, neutral place?

    Pick a location for custody exchanges where both parties will be reluctant to make a scene.

    This can be a park, a mall, a restaurant, or a coffee shop. If things are extra contentious, you can even make the swap at a police station or a supervised visitation center, just in case you need a little extra incentive to play nice.

    Related Reading: How to Find the Best Child Custody Lawyer

    5) Bring A Third Party Along For The Swap

    Just as people may be less likely to cause a ruckus in public, they may behave better if someone they know comes along for the ride.

    Consider bringing a mutual acquaintance, ideally someone both parties know and trust, like a friend who kept ties with both of you.

    This can help put everyone at ease and smooth over what little time you have to spend together. And if things are really bad, it never hurts to have a witness, maybe one taking video with their phone. Let’s hope it doesn’t get to that point because then there are probably much larger issues with which to contend.

    On the other side of this situation, if there’s a new spouse or significant other in the picture, don’t bring them. That in itself might incur bad feelings and invite trouble where none is needed.

    Related Reading: Child Custody and Mental Illness

    An Unfortunate Reality

    You may never want to see or speak to your ex again, but unfortunately for you, if there are kids in the picture, that’s not usually an option.

    Sure, you can communicate through lawyers and mediators, and enlist all manner of third parties to run interference—there may even be lots of yelling and swear words—but there will still be at least some level of contact and communication during custody exchanges.

    Essentially, you have to suck it up and deal.

    Even with that reality, there are avenues available to make moments like exchanging custody as painless as possible for everyone. Have a plan, make arrangements, be efficient, let your kids know what’s going on, and, most importantly, keep things civil.

    If not for your stress level and well-being, do it for your children. They see and feel your tension and hostility. If you can prevent your emotions from running wild, that only benefits them and is healthier for all of you.

    Related Reading: What Happens When the Court Appoints a Guardian Ad Litem?

  • Divorce and Depression: The Impact on Men

    Did you expect a sense of relief once you finally finalized your divorce? Did you anticipate an overwhelming wave of elation and well-being once you signed the divorce papers? Perhaps you did, but that initial relief often fades and depression sets in.

    That’s a natural expectation. After all, you’ve been waiting for this moment, building up to this for some time. But what about when that euphoria fades? Or if it never comes at all? You might think you’ll get back to normal, but that doesn’t always happen.

    Divorce is often one of the most stressful events you’ll ever experience. It throws your entire life into upheaval in one go. It’s common for men to experience bouts of post-divorce depression.

    Everyone faces these risks, both men and women. But one Canadian study found while that’s true, men often face a greater risk of depression after divorce. Researchers examined the data from the National Population Health Survey to look at the role divorce plays in depression.

    Depression After Divorce

    According to the report:

    “Men aged 20 to 64 who had divorced or separated were six times more likely to report an episode of depression than were men who remained married.”

    Many factors play a part in this increase in depression. No two situations are identical, so what leads to issues in one case may not in another. And since no two people react the same way to similar hurdles, responses vary. Still, many common recurring themes pop up.

    There’s the strain that comes with drastic change and uncertainty. Even if divorce is the right choice and you know that in your heart of hearts, it’s scary and unsettling.

    Financial issues often factor into this. You may have to pay all the bills from a single paycheck for the first time in years. And if you have spousal maintenance or child support payments, that causes additional burdens.

    Many people reported the loss of social support impacted depression. If people pick sides, divorce often ruins friendships and other relationships. You divide assets in divorce, but many couples also essentially wind up dividing friends. It’s common to feel you are alone and don’t have anyone to turn to.

    Custody changes also often popped up when people discussed divorce and depression. It’s difficult going from seeing your children every day to a few times a week or a month or even less. You may not be as directly involved in their lives and decision-making, which can lead to a lost sense of purpose for a parent.

    How much, if at all, these factors impact mental health after divorce varies from person to person. They might destroy one while barely registering for another. Still, they’re common causes men cite as reasons for depression after ending a marriage.

    Related Reading: Common Mistakes Men Make in Divorce

    It Gets Better

    While divorce leads to elevated risks of depression in men following divorce, the research does offer a ray of hope.

    Though instances of depression may rise, the study indicates it does get better.

    After examining the data, the researchers found that the risk is greatest within the first two years. That makes sense. After all, it’s fresh and new and you’re dealing with many unknowns. But they also found that most people “were no longer depressed four years after the break-up.”

    That’s not to say there’s a magic date where things instantly improve for everyone. But as the saying goes, “Time heals all wounds.”

    The more distance you have from the event, the more likely you are to deal with things, put them behind you, and move forward. And isn’t that what divorce is for? To get out of a bad situation and move on to something better?

    Related Reading: Truly Scary Divorce Facts

    Take Care of Yourself

    If you have post-divorce depression, it’s imperative you seek help. You can turn to family and friends or talk to a mental health professional.

    While there’s no substitute for professional help, there are a few things you can do to cope with the symptoms of post-divorce depression:

    Find an Outlet

    Finding a hobby or pastime to focus your time and energy on can be a positive way to distract your mind. It gives you something else on which to concentrate. From reading a book to learning to tie fly fishing lures, anything that keeps your mind and your hands engaged helps funnel your energy into something positive. Sometimes that can be enough.

    Get Organized

    You know how frustrating it is to not be able to find something when you need it. Reduce your stress by organizing. Taking the time to sort through your belongings helps bring some order to your life.

    This is especially helpful if things seem chaotic post-divorce. It’s nice to be able to have control over something in your life when you may feel you don’t in certain areas.

    Set aside time each day to declutter your living space—but remember you don’t have to do it all at once. Small steps are often more effective than one massive organizational effort. Trying to take on too much can have the opposite effect and increase your stress.

    Focus on Positive Relationships

    A football team can’t win if the quarterback is the only one on the field. Just like the quarterback, you need the help of loyal and dependable teammates. Having friends and family on your team is essential—and don’t forget to enlist the help of a few expert coaches.

    People like counselors and therapists can provide the guidance you need to get you back to your A-game. Another area to find like-minded people is support groups. Think of support groups like spring training or training camp. An opportunity to work with people in similar situations can help you improve your skills and remind you you’re not alone.

    Depression can be a challenging topic. Many men have difficulty discussing or even acknowledging their feelings. Depression also increases your risk of other health issues.

    In the wake of divorce, it’s important to take care of both your physical and mental health. But you don’t have to struggle alone. Recruit supportive people for your team, find an outlet for your energy, and start on the road to a healthier, happier life.

    Other Reading: Breaking Down Divorce Rates By Generation

  • How Abandonment Impacts Divorce in Oregon

    People divorce for countless reasons and each case has an individual story. Sometimes it takes the form of a gradual breakdown, other times, spouses separate well ahead of the actual divorce. And occasionally, one party simply up and leaves. This is where abandonment becomes a factor.

    What Constitutes Abandonment In Oregon?

    Most people probably think of abandonment as physical desertion, as one spouse taking off and not coming back. That certainly plays a part but doesn’t show the whole picture.

    Merely leaving for a while—for example, a week, or even a month, after an intense fight—doesn’t automatically constitute abandonment. Neither does a month of missed child support here or there.

    In order for the court to consider this situation abandonment or desertion, it must continue for an extended period of time. The absence must also be permanent and without the consent of the other spouse.

    Many elements must also be present in the situation to constitute abandonment.

    Most states require an absence of at least a year and it can’t be a mutually agreed upon decision. During that time, the absent spouse must fail to pay support. Additionally, the remaining spouse must not have caused the departure—for instance, fleeing from physical abuse doesn’t count.

    Related Reading: What are the Grounds for Divorce in Oregon?

    Abandonment And No-Fault Divorce

    Oregon is a no-fault divorce state. This means that to dissolve a marriage, there’s no need for one spouse to assign blame or to prove the other was in the wrong.

    All that needs to happen is for one spouse to proclaim the marriage irretrievably broken and that no hope for reconciliation exists. You’ll get your divorce if you meet the residency requirements and follow the proper procedure.

    While abandonment may ultimately be the root cause of a divorce, it may not end up the cause, legally speaking. In Oregon, the only basis for divorce is “irreconcilable differences.”

    Some states require a couple to live apart for a specific amount of time to grant a no-fault divorce, but that’s not the case in Oregon.

    Though abandonment doesn’t wind up the reason written down on your divorce decree, it does still have a significant impact. Especially when it comes to child custody and divorce settlements.

    Related Reading: Can You Get Divorced If You Can’t Find Your Spouse?

    Can Abandonment Affect Child Custody?

    Leaving children behind doesn’t put one in contention for parent of the year. When one spouse physically abandons children, leaving them in the care of the other parent, it creates a situation where the remaining parent has custody by default.

    While not an official, permanent custody order, this scenario often results in court-sanctioned guardianship.

    In cases of abandonment, it’s hard to show a strong, stable bond between parent and child. During a prolonged absence, the de facto custodial parent can also seek divorce and attempt to gain sole custody.

    In certain instances, the court may even terminate a parent’s rights in the cases of abandonment. If a parent avoids contact with the children or refuses to pay child support, rights may be cut off.

    Again, a missed month of payments here and there or a week’s absence won’t do the trick. This must be a prolonged, definite pattern.

    Ending a parent’s rights is a serious, not to mention a permanent decision. The courts don’t take such rulings lightly, and you must prove it’s in the best interest of the children.

    Related Reading: How to Prepare for Your Initial Divorce Consultation

    Abandonment And Divorce Settlements

    Similar to child custody, abandonment can also significantly impact divorce settlements. The real influence of prolonged desertion often manifests in areas like child support, spousal support, and similar realms.

    Abandonment and similar issues don’t usually play into areas like the division of property. Other factors take precedence, like financial need, child custody, the length of the marriage, future job prospects, and other considerations that lead to financial hardships.

    Though on the surface the idea of abandonment appears straightforward, it often serves to further complicate matters in divorce. It impacts and influences the process in many ways and further muddies the already cloudy legal waters.

    Related Reading: How to File for Divorce in Oregon