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  • How is Debt Divided In Divorce In Oregon?

    Key Takeaways:

    • Oregon uses the equitable distribution model to divide assets and debts in divorce.
    • Equitable distribution does not mean you divide everything equally.
    • Debt acquired during the marriage is viewed as the responsibility of both spouses and is subject to division. This includes credit card balances, mortgages, car loans, and more.
    • The timing of debt can dictate divisibility. 
    • Divorce does not automatically remove your name from any debt. If your name remains on an account, you remain liable for that amount.

    When it comes to divorce, one of the first things that comes to mind is a couple splitting up their shared assets. Something people often fail to consider about divorce, however, is that it also divides shared debt.

    In Oregon, when it comes to dividing debt in a divorce, the general idea is for both spouses to emerge on a relatively equal footing and be able to enjoy a standard of living similar to what they had during the marriage.

    That’s a relatively broad statement, so let’s look into how that manifests in reality.

    Dividing Debt in Divorce

    When dividing debt and assets, Oregon uses the equitable distribution model.

    Equitable distribution is: “A legal principle under which assets and earnings acquired during marriage are divided equitably (fairly) at divorce.”

    No matter the name on the title, credit card, mortgage, auto financing, or business loan, Oregon presumes both spouses contributed to the acquisition. It’s then subject to division in a fair and equitable fashion.

    If you accrue substantial financial liabilities during a marriage, the court also views them as shared marital obligations. Basically, the law views assets and debts as belonging to both spouses.

    Related Reading: How Do Major Purchases Affect Divorce Proceedings?

    Does Equitable Distribution Mean Debt is Split Equally?

    This question comes up often, and the answer is no.

    It’s important to note that equitable distribution does not mean you divide everything equally. Assets and debts may be divided disproportionately depending on the unique factors of your case.

    You may wind up with a 40/60 split, but it’s also possible the court will determine a 50/50 division is fair.

    Ultimately, the debt division decision takes into account need, earning potential, and other factors. Exceptions to this include things like gifts or inheritances.

    Related Reading: How Is Property Divided?

    Dividing Debt Acquired During Marriage

    Types of debt acquired during marriage include credit card balances, mortgages, auto loans, business loans, and similar obligations, which are then distributed between spouses.

    No matter the name on the contract, Oregon presumes both spouses played a part in building that balance. Dividing debt in divorce is then subject to equitable division.

    Pre-Marital Debt

    While you will likely be on the hook for the debt your ex built up during the marriage, there’s good news when it comes to the pre-existing variety. Timing, however, is the key in this situation.

    If your ex rang up thousands of dollars worth of student loans before you tied the knot, that’s not your problem. The same goes for those massive credit card bills that still pop up.

    Debt Accrued During A Legal Separation

    For debt following a separation, but before a divorce is finalized, the waters muddy a bit.

    If the court considers necessities like electric bills and utilities, they may split them.

    However, if your ex goes on a lavish ski vacation or buys an expensive new car, that’s a different story altogether.

    Unexpected Debt

    If you buy a house or condo, finance a boat, or secure a car loan, you expect to deal with these debts. But what about surprises? What if your spouse acquired debt without your knowledge? It happens all the time. How is that divided in a divorce?

    Again, from a legal point of view, the court doesn’t generally care whose name appears on the paperwork.

    If your ex obtains a credit card behind your back, runs up an astronomical bill, it will still likely be a joint obligation. Generally speaking, if it’s amassed during your marriage, you have to deal with it. At least in part.

    As with most areas of divorce, dealing with debt gets twisted in a hurry. In shorter marriages, things may be straightforward, but the longer a union lasts, the more intertwined lives become, and the more complex matters get.

    Financial Agreements and Loans

    Do creditors have to abide by the divorce decree? No. And this fact can have a serious impact.

    In short, divorce doesn’t automatically remove you from any loans, debts, or financial obligations.

    If your name remains on a home loan, credit card bill, car loan, or similar contracts, you remain liable for those debts. Even if the divorce agreement gives them to your ex.

    So, you go through the process and divide all of your shared debts. Say the court gives your ex the car you financed as a couple, along with the monthly payment. If your ex fails to make those payments, it may come back on you.

    Family courts have no jurisdiction to alter agreements with creditors; those stay in place. The divorce settlement can assign debt and require your ex to pay a balance. But that doesn’t take your name off the paperwork.

    Part of the divorce decree can include stipulations, such as that your ex must refinance a home loan within a certain period to remove your name. Still, that doesn’t always happen.

    It’s important to stay on top of things like that to make sure nothing comes back to bite you. This can impact your credit, among other things. If creditors come after you, you may wind up having to pay off the debt and then sue your ex for restitution.

    While people often think of dividing assets in a divorce, splitting up debt sneaks up on many people. It’s important to be aware that this is coming, what to expect, and how to deal with it.

    Related Reading: How is a Business Divided During A Divorce? Can You Protect It?

  • How Much Does A Divorce Cost In Oregon?

    Key Takeaways:

    • Divorce can be expensive, even in low-conflict cases where the spouses agree on most issues.
    • A contested divorce in Oregon typically costs between $7000 and $15,000.
    • An uncontested divorce can cost less than $3000.
    • The more complicated the case, the more a divorce costs.
    • Court costs, filing fees, and attorney charges add up quickly.
    • Divorce comes with many unexpected costs that people too often overlook.
    • There are steps you can take to minimize the cost of your divorce.

    This probably doesn’t come as a revelation, but divorce costs can add up quickly.

    There are charges and fees every step of the way. From filing the initial paperwork and hiring an attorney to relevant court costs. Then you have a variety of expenses that continue even after you complete the process.

    What Is The Average Cost of Divorce in Oregon?

    The short answer is that ending a marriage often costs quite a bit.

    According to some sources, a contested divorce costs $10,000 to $ 15,000. (We typically tell folks it runs between $7000 and $15,000.) An uncontested divorce, one with little conflict, typically runs between $1500 and $3000, sometimes even less.

    Numerous factors go into that number, and it may wind up drastically more or less depending on your specific situation.

    Many of the expenses of dissolving your marriage are readily apparent. For example, we mentioned hiring a lawyer. That incurs fees. The exact amount, however, depends on the nature of each distinct situation.

    A good rule of thumb is that the more you need to deal with, the more it will cost. This includes how you divide assets, if you pay spousal support, and more. Common elements that complicate matters include:

    • How contentious the split is.
    • The length of the marriage.
    • Future earning potential.
    • The amount of property and assets to divide.
    • Owning your own business.
    • Whether or not you have kids.
    • If you have substantial retirement accounts.

    These are just a few of many, many things that play a role.

    On the other side of that coin, there are also bound to be payments you don’t see coming. Like fees for responding to motions filed against you. Your tax status changes in the wake of divorce. Your credit score may even take a hit.

    Every case is different, but with that in mind, here are some of the costs associated, both obvious and otherwise, you may encounter when seeking a divorce in Oregon.

    Related Reading: Dividing a Business in Divorce

    Costs During The Divorce Process

    A common refrain is that there is no such thing as a free divorce. No matter how amicable, good-natured, or uncontested a split, there are at least a few fees likely to pop up.

    Even for the do-it-yourselfers out there going through an unchallenged split, you face fees. According to the Oregon State Bar Association, each party is currently subject to a filing fee of about $301 for a divorce or custody case.

    Moving forward, there’s the cost of serving your soon-to-be former spouse with divorce papers.

    You can hire an outside process server to accomplish this. Depending on what company you use and how difficult it is to find your ex, this may run upward of $50 or more.

    If you retain an attorney, they can handle the matter. For a fee. There’s a form you can have your spouse sign to indicate that the documents have been served. Otherwise, an outside party needs to handle this.

    You also face costs related to filing motions, responding to petitions, appearing in court, and more. Basically, every time you have to deal with new paperwork or show up in front of a judge, expect to fork over at least a few dollars.

    Related Reading: Pro Se Divorce: When is it the Best Choice?

    Attorney Fees

    Divorce is a complicated affair. In most cases, you’re best served by enlisting an experienced attorney. A professional who knows the ins and out and intricacies of the process will answer your questions and guide you toward an optimal outcome.

    That, of course, costs money. And again, how much depends on the case.

    There may be an initial consulting charge, likely a flat fee, followed by an hourly rate. Depending on how long and complicated your divorce is, the more issues you and your spouse disagree on, and the more contentious the proceedings, these fees stack up accordingly.

    Billing Practices

    Make sure, right out of the gate, you ask your lawyer to explain their billing practices. Find out what services you get for your money, how they break down the charges, and what you can expect to see on an invoice.

    It never hurts to get this sort of thing in writing at the beginning. Though the price may seem high, it will likely be worth the investment in the long run. It often saves people money.

    In simple cases, you may be able to hire someone to prepare your paperwork for a flat rate. Many services handle the filing and all the rest. Sometimes this is a lawyer, but it may also be a paralegal or other legal professional. It offers peace of mind that you haven’t made any grievous mistakes trying to do it all yourself. This, however, is only applicable to straightforward situations.

    Related Reading: How is Debt Divided in Oregon?

    Costs After The Divorce Process

    While legal and attorney’s fees are the most apparent costs of divorce, they have an end date. Once your split is final, they go away, or at least stop accumulating. There are, however, post-divorce financial obligations that, depending on the circumstances, continue long after the marriage is dissolved.

    Child Support

    If children figure into your divorce, child support will likely be one of the highest continuing costs you encounter. Oregon primarily awards child support in cases involving children under 18, though in some instances it may continue beyond age 18. These payments provide for the ongoing care and well-being of your kids.

    In general, the party with the most overnights with the child receives payments from the other. Still, child support is also often payable even in cases of 50/50 shared custody.

    The higher-income parent also usually covers a greater share of the financial burden for child care, medical bills, and education. The State of Oregon has an online calculator to estimate potential child support payments. While this isn’t a hard-and-fast or official amount, it provides a rough idea of what you may wind up paying.

    Related Reading: Calculate Your Own Support Responsibility 

    Spousal Support

    While spousal support is not awarded in every divorce, the court often orders it.

    These payments help your former partner meet financial needs following the dissolution of your marriage. Unlike child support, the amount is based on what is “just and equitable” in the given situation.

    Oregon has three kinds of spousal support: transitional, compensatory, and maintenance.

    Transitional Support

    Shorter in duration, transitional support is, as the name suggests, awarded to help one spouse make the transition back to single life. This often helps them obtain education or training to reenter the workforce or advance in the job market. This is most common in briefer marriages.

    Compensatory Support

    Less frequent, compensatory support comes into play when one party has contributed a significant amount to the career and earning capacity of the other. It also may occur in settlements where the court awarded one spouse substantially more property. Or, for example, if one spouse worked to support the other through college.

    Maintenance support

    Maintenance support is the most common in long-term unions where there’s a significant gap in earning potential between the two parties, one that may never realistically close. It tends to persist for extended periods, often indefinitely.

    Related Reading: Types Of Spousal Support In Oregon

    Forgotten Costs Of Divorce

    To this point, most of the costs discussed are clear. Court fees, attorney’s costs, and child and spousal support. People commonly associate all of these with the end of a marriage.

    As you move into the next phase of your life, you may look to lay down fresh, permanent roots. Relocation and setting up a new household, especially if there are children, costs money.

    If you and your spouse owned a home or property together, it may need to be sold unless you reach an agreement. Often, this happens quickly and for convenience rather than optimal value.

    Losing medical insurance. If your spouse’s health coverage no longer covers you, that’s another situation to deal with. The same goes for changing wills, altering life insurance policies, or any other shared articles and benefits acquired during the marriage.

    One unexpected change that catches people off guard is their taxes.

    Once you settle the divorce, your filing status looks very different than before. If you have children, your custodial status also impact deductions, payments, incentives, and more.

    It’s also possible for your credit score to take a hit. After your divorce, your former spouse’s future credit shouldn’t impact your own. Moving forward, you will apply for credit cards, loans, and other products individually. However, if you still have shared debts, they can affect your credit.

    Related Reading: Oregon: Community Property or Equitable Distribution?

    For example, divorce doesn’t alter pre-existing contracts and agreements with a third party that you and your spouse entered into while married, like a mortgage.

    In a perfect world, if the court assigns your former spouse to pay a joint debt, that’s precisely what happens. We don’t always live in an ideal world, however.

    If your ex neglects to make these payments, or simply isn’t able to, it negatively reflects on you. When it gets bad enough, creditors may come after you. You may even face legal action.

    Hopefully, there’s a strategy in place for handling joint debts and property division. Still, it never hurts to keep a close eye on your credit score and stay abreast of the situation.

    Related Reading: Common Financial Mistakes in Divorce

    What Else Affects The Cost of Divorce?

    As we’ve shown, many factors affect the total financial cost of divorce. As with most aspects of ending a marriage, the process varies from case to case. No two marriages are the same. Consequently, neither are any two divorces. Unique elements will always impact some and not others.

    Conflict Between Spouses

    The first factor that often inflates divorce costs is conflict. The way conflict impacts cost is straightforward: the more conflict, the longer it takes, and the more expensive your divorce becomes. If you and your soon-to-be ex fight over every issue, resolution takes time. And that takes money.

    Refusing to Compromise

    Whether you want to hear it or not, divorce takes compromise. Refuse to compromise, and the cost of divorce tends to skyrocket.

    The only type of divorce that doesn’t require at least some compromise is a default judgment. That’s when your ex fails to take action and essentially forfeits the case.

    It’s vital to enter the divorce process with a clear idea of where you’re willing to compromise and where you aren’t. Knowing what is and isn’t open for negotiation helps create a strategy.

    We’ve watched people rack up massive fees fighting over the most mundane, unimportant items. It’s important to protect what matters most to you, but also to know what’s not worth the effort.

    If you can’t compromise on anything, you’re most likely headed to trial. (Contrary to popular belief, most divorces don’t actually go to trial.) Not only is that a costly process, but it also takes the outcome out of your hands and places it at a judge’s discretion.

    Using a strategy such as mediation or arbitration gives you greater control over the outcome but still requires additional time and money.

    Not Hiring Counsel

    Divorce doesn’t require you to hire a lawyer. That said, unless it’s a simple, straightforward case with little conflict, it’s usually in your best interest to have representation.

    The problem with hiring a divorce attorney is obviously that it costs money.

    This may sound counterintuitive, but sometimes not hiring a divorce lawyer costs you more.

    Many people represent themselves in divorce only to end up at a disadvantage. It’s all too common for people to agree to unfavorable terms, a less-than-optimal custody schedule, or leave potential assets on the table.

    Hiring an attorney also ensures that support payments are accurately calculated, the division of assets and debts is fair, and you protect what’s most important.

    While the cost may seem like a lot now, you may save thousands of dollars over the course of your life.

    In short, divorce is not cheap, even in the most straightforward cases. Dissolution agreements can be highly complex, involve a wide range of factors, and feature many moving parts.

    Fortunately, there are ways to reduce some of these costs and limit the amount you ultimately spend. This is especially true in uncontested divorces or when there is little shared property and no children involved.

    Related Reading: What To Know About Divorce Forms & Filing

  • Child Custody If A Parent Has a Mental Illness

    Key Takeaways:

    • When determining custody, the courts prioritize the child’s best interests above all other concerns.
    • Mental illness doesn’t disqualify a parent, but the severity can influence the decision.
    • If the illness necessitates frequent hospital visits, in-home care, or if the individual is prone to outbursts or violence, it plays a role.
    • If medication, therapy, and other measures keep symptoms in check, a judge is less likely to deny custody.
    • Mild mental illness, like moderate depression or anxiety, may not influence the proceedings at all.

    Mental illness affects many people. It often has a devastating influence on relationships and marriages. Not only does it frequently lead to divorce, but if a parent has a mental illness, it also impacts child custody cases in significant ways.

    How Mental Illness Can Impact Child Custody

    Cases involving a parent with a mental illness are notoriously tricky. This umbrella term covers depression, anxiety, addiction, borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, and many other conditions.

    Because of the nature of the beast, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. It depends on the severity of the affliction, treatment options, the willingness of the parties involved to seek treatment, and many additional factors.

    Related Reading: How Is Custody Decided In Oregon?

    How Can A Mental Illness Impact Your Custody Claim?

    Because the child’s best interests remain paramount, they inform how the court divides the legal and physical parenting responsibilities.

    • If a mother is unable to maintain a stable living situation of her own due to mental health issues, a judge isn’t likely to grant her physical custody.
    • If a father has trouble making good decisions in his own life because of mental illness, that doesn’t bode well for making decisions for his children.

    Legal custody claims may take a hit in this scenario. When one parent has a documented history of mental illness-related violence or other behaviors that may potentially harm a child, courts also weigh those factors.

    Can You Lose Custody If You Have A Mental Illness?

    When determining custody, regardless of the factors involved, including a parent having a mental illness, the courts put the best interests of the child ahead of all other concerns. This includes physical and emotional safety.

    If it’s unsafe or harmful for a child to be with one parent, that’s the most substantial way mental illness impacts child custody.

    Mental illness doesn’t disqualify a parent

    It will, however, likely influence the decision. If it negatively affects a parent’s ability to parent or the parent-child relationship, the court considers it when determining parenting time.

    Impact on child custody depends on the severity

    A particular disorder may require frequent hospitalization, make a parent prone to violent outbursts, or necessitate in-home care. All of these factors may sway a case in favor of the other parent.

    With a manageable condition, the impact is often less severe

    If medication, therapy, and other measures adequately keep symptoms in check, a judge is less likely to deny custody. Mild mental illness, like moderate depression or anxiety, may not influence the proceedings at all.

    The court wants to keep both parents in a child’s life

    But again, it really boils down to the child’s best interests and how much mental illness impacts child custody. Though it may not bar a parent from being awarded custody, it may affect the type of custody awarded.

    Related Reading: Custody: What is the ‘Best Interest of the Child’?

    While mental illness impacts child custody in some cases, it may not dramatically bend a ruling. It all goes back to the severity of an affliction and if the court, usually with the input of mental health professionals, determines it’s safe for the child or not.

    Relatively minor cases, or a condition that’s well controlled with medication or therapy, likely won’t tip the scale as much.

    Depending on the circumstances, the court may award parenting time to a parent dealing with mental issues. These may be small blocks of visitation that require supervision. The amount may hinge on the parent adhering to a mental health plan, maintaining a stable home, or other requirements.

    Related Reading: Writ Of Assistance, Divorce, and Child Custody

  • Does Oregon Practice Common-Law Marriage?

    Key Takeaways:

    • Common-law marriage means that after living together for many years, the law automatically recognizes the partners as married. 
    • You can’t create a common-law marriage in Oregon, but it does recognize common-law marriages from other states if the couple meets that state’s requirements.
    • Oregon does have Registered Domestic Partnerships, per the Oregon Family Fairness Act.
    • You must file a Declaration of Oregon Registered Domestic Partnership form; the union does not happen automatically.
    • Since the OFFA is specific to couples in Oregon, it does not recognize domestic partnerships or civil unions from other states.
    • If you have kids, the court considers child custody, child support, visitation, and other concerns the same way, whether you are married or not.
    • Unmarried fathers have the same rights as long as paternity has been established.

    A lot goes into a relationship between two people. Navigating interpersonal affairs often resembles a high-wire act. At a basic level, however, marriage is relatively simple. You either are, or you aren’t, right?

    People toss the term common-law marriage around quite a bit, so it begs the question: Does Oregon have common-law marriage?

    What Is Common-Law Marriage?

    In a broad sense, the term common-law marriage means that after living together for many years without officially marrying, the law recognizes the partners as married. Practically, how it works is usually more complicated than that, but those are the basics.

    It’s a kind of de facto marriage or marriage by default. A couple shares bank accounts, often has kids, and generally view each other as spouses.

    How common-law marriage works also varies from place to place. In reality, it’s only a factor in a limited number of locations and a handful of states.

    Does Oregon Have Common-Law Marriage?

    The short answer is no, Oregon doesn’t have common-law marriage. With so many misconceptions about the concept, Oregon keeps it simple. You can’t create a common-law marriage here.

    However, the state does acknowledge those from other places. According to the Oregon State Bar:

    “[I]f a couple is from a state that acknowledges common-law marriages, and the couple meets the requirements of common-law marriage of that state, then the state of Oregon will recognize the marriage of that state as valid in Oregon.”

    Registered Domestic Partnerships

    While Oregon doesn’t recognize common-law marriage, it does have Registered Domestic Partnerships under the Oregon Family Fairness Act.

    A registered domestic partnership is: “a civil contract entered into between two individuals who are at least 18 years of age, who are otherwise capable and at least one of whom is a resident of Oregon.” (Oregon Revised Statute 106.310).

    You must complete a Declaration of Oregon Registered Domestic Partnership form. These forms can be filed at any county clerk’s office in Oregon. They must be signed in front of a notary. The filing fee is $60, but some counties charge notary fees.

    Since the Oregon Family Fairness Act applies specifically to domestic partnerships registered in Oregon, it does not recognize them from other states, unlike common-law marriages. Oregon does not acknowledge civil unions from other states either.

    Form Instructions: Completing the Domestic Partnership Form
    Form: Oregon Registered Domestic Partnership Form

    Rights of Unmarried and Unregistered Partners

    Cohabitation without filing paperwork with the government happens more frequently now than ever. Couples live together, mix finances, buy homes, have children, and for all intents and purposes, act as if they were married.

    But unless you have a common-law marriage from another state, unregistered partnerships in Oregon aren’t protected by the same laws when it comes to dividing property.

    In general, each partner generally retains their own property. Except in cases where you intentionally commingle assets. The law views jointly owned property as belonging equally to both parties.

    You do have the option to ask the court to divide assets, though it’s a complicated, roundabout legal process.

    In most cases, you should reserve this for major purchases, such as houses or cars. It’s probably well worth it just to buy new furniture.

    However, if your name isn’t on something, things become tricky. When your name doesn’t appear on, say, the title of a car, you need to show that the intent was to share.

    Spousal support is one element that doesn’t factor into long-term relationships. Again, unless there’s a pre-existing common-law marriage, this isn’t an option. You neither pay nor receive alimony in the case of a break-up.

    This is also an evolving field, and Oregon has an ever-growing body of domestic partnership law. A common interpretation of this concept holds that all property is in play when determining an equitable split. While they can’t divide retirement plans, some judges compensate in other ways. We’re seeing more cases like this regularly, and it’s becoming more like divorce than ever.

    Do You Have Custody Rights if You Were Never Officially Married?

    The rights and obligations of parents don’t change due to marital status. Wed or not, that doesn’t impact the matter.

    If you have kids, the court considers child custody, child support, visitation, and other concerns the same way, regardless of whether the parents are married.

    Biological and adoptive parents retain the same parental rights whether there’s a ring on that finger, a common-law marriage, a domestic partnership, or no relationship at all.

    You pursue custody and visitation through identical legal channels. Depending on the situation, you may either pay or receive child support. All of the usual things that play a role in divorce and custody battles also apply to unmarried parents.

    Related Reading: What Are A Father’s Rights? (Whether Married or Unmarried)

  • 10 Truly Scary Divorce Facts

    Divorce is usually a time of great upheaval. It may absolutely be the right decision, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. In a relatively short span, your entire life changes, and it can be a frightening, uncertain experience. And not to add fuel to the fire, but here are some scary divorce facts to be aware of.

    10 Scary Divorce Facts

    Some of these are interesting, others may be useful to avoid. Hopefully, knowing ahead of time will allow you to dodge common potential hazards.

    1) Cohabitation Before Marriage Increases the Chance of Divorce

    As people delay the age at which they marry, instances of couples cohabiting have risen steadily over the years. Many view this as a kind of marital practice run, a test to ensure two people are truly compatible.

    While that sounds great on paper, in reality, couples who live together before tying the knot are, in fact, more susceptible to divorce in the long run.

    Related Reading: Divorce Statistics: From the Interesting to the Surprising

    2) The Average Marriage Is Shorter Than You Think

    “’Til death do us part” is a common component of traditional wedding vows. In reality, however, that’s a bit of a lofty goal. When it comes to marriages that end in divorce, the average length hovers around the eight-year mark.

    It makes some amount of sense. This is long enough to do things like have kids, buy a house, and for the initial honeymoon phase to come and go. It’s also enough time to try to make things work and realize you can’t fix some problems.

    3) First Divorces Happen Young

    As people live longer, healthier lives, the number of people who marry multiple times has also increased. Though some people put off getting married until later, the average age of a first divorce is still only 30 years old.

    People grow and change a great deal in their 20s. By the look of things, once they reach 30, couples often realize they each want very different things, and it’s time to go their separate ways. Or they’ve simply evolved in different directions.

    Related Reading: What are Grounds for Divorce in Oregon

    4) Happily Married Parents = Happy Marriages

    This one is, admittedly, not a particularly scary divorce fact. If your parents were happily married, statistically speaking, your likelihood of divorce drops. Watching a successful marriage not only shows you firsthand that it’s possible but also provides a roadmap to making things work.

    No one ever said being married would be easy, but it’s nice to have examples of how to move forward and deal with conflict in constructive ways. Think of your childhood as an education on how to be in a marriage.

    5) Health Risks After Divorce

    A bad marriage is detrimental to mental health, but divorce also comes with an array of physical health concerns. After divorce, men have an elevated risk of hypertension, heart disease, and even cancer, among other issues.

    Depression, substance abuse, and obesity often spike after a marriage ends.

    And here’s a terrifying divorce fact: according to some studies, men are much more likely to commit suicide following a divorce. It’s a tough time, but it’s essential to take care of yourself and get help when you need it.

    6) Parents Aren’t The Only Ones At Risk

    Parents aren’t the only ones at risk for health issues when it comes to divorce. Children are susceptible to depression and other mental health issues, which often manifest physically.

    One recent study found that children living with both of their biological parents tend to be much healthier, physically, than those hailing from broken homes.

    That is a scary divorce fact, as well as a reminder that children are often the most vulnerable parties in a divorce. As chaotic as it can be for adults, it’s vital to take the time to look after the kids.

    Related Reading: Custody and the Best Interests of the Child

    7) Women File For Most Divorces

    Again, not a particularly scary divorce fact, but an interesting tidbit nonetheless, given our audience is primarily men. Women file for roughly two-thirds of all divorces in the United States. Although it has varied over the years, the number hovers around 70 percent.

    The reasons for this are hotly debated. Some argue it is for custody reasons, while others cite economic factors. Still, others say that it is for convenience’s sake or due to changing gender norms and social conventions.

    8) Unexpected Hazards Of Smoking

    By now, we all know about the health risks associated with cigarettes and smoking. However, you may not be aware that it can also be detrimental to your marriage and other relationships.

    According to one study, if one spouse smokes and the other doesn’t, the couple is ultimately 75 to 91 percent more likely to divorce. Consider quitting; it won’t only benefit your health, but it may save your marriage.

    9) Big Weddings = Big Divorce Rates

    Many people dream of their wedding day for years. After all, it’s a key milestone in many of our lives. But while you envision the big day, maybe dial back the size and scope some. Research shows that couples who have huge, elaborate weddings are at greater risk for divorce.

    Fairytale weddings don’t come cheap. After the honeymoon glow wears off, the reality of paying back massive sums of money often causes friction and strife in new unions.

    10) You May Want To Move Closer To Work

    There are no two ways about it, long commutes suck. No one likes sitting in traffic, waiting for their lane to move, trying to find a good song on the radio. As it turns out, it can also have a detrimental impact on your marriage.

    A recent Swedish study found that people with commutes longer than 45 minutes are at a much higher risk of divorce. A scary divorce fact is that it’s hard to work on your relationship, stuck in your car, on a bus, or on a subway for half of the day.

    Most of these alarming divorce statistics are merely statistical notations. Just because you fit into one category or another doesn’t automatically mean that’s how your situation will play out.

    For example, many couples with large weddings don’t divorce. And not everyone lets their health slide after ending a marriage.

    Still, these are realities in many cases. Being aware of potential problems ahead of time may help you know what to look for and what to avoid. Just because they’re scary divorce facts doesn’t mean they can’t provide useful information. If you know a pattern exists, it’s easier to avoid.

    Related Reading: Breaking Down Divorce Rates By Generation

  • How Do You Ask For A Divorce?

    Marriage isn’t always sunshine and puppy dogs. It takes a lot of work, time, effort, and struggle. And still, it doesn’t always work out. Try with all your might, sometimes you can’t make a marriage work. But when it’s time to pull the plug, you face one massive obstacle: how do you ask for a divorce?

    This is an uncomfortable conversation, but an important first step. In reality, asking for divorce represents a talk you simultaneously do and don’t want to have.

    You’re after the end result, which will, ideally, leave you in a better situation. But it’s still not a discussion most people look forward to.

    By the time you reach the point where you’re ready to ask for a divorce, it’s safe to say your marriage has serious problems. In many cases, your spouse likely noticed these as well. But that doesn’t mean this is an easy exchange.

    This post looks at common dos and don’ts of asking for a divorce with an emphasis on thoughtfulness, honesty, and preparation. Key points include choosing the right time and place for this talk, how to avoid distractions, and being calm but resolute in your approach.

    Taking the time to lay the groundwork makes things easier and sets the stage for a healthier future for everyone.

    Related Reading: How Long Does Divorce Take?

    The Do’s And Don’ts of Asking For A Divorce

    This is a sensitive, emotional topic, and not one to take lightly. Divorce permanently changes almost every aspect of your life in one dramatic shift. Your current and future financial picture, living situation, and how much time you spend with your kids. All of those and more take a hit.

    A single conversation often sets the tone for the process that follows. It’s vital to handle things the right way to ensure you emerge on sound footing.

    Your spouse may be on the same page. Then again, news that you want a divorce may come as a complete and utter shock. Whether things proceed amicably or devolve into a legal fistfight, it often starts here.

    With that in mind, here is a list of things to consider when you ask for a divorce.

    Related Reading: How Jurisdiction Affects Divorce

    Pick The Right Time and Place

    There may not be a “right” time to ask for a divorce. It’s never going to be easy or clean or fun. Still, it’s important to account for a number of things when deciding when and where to bring up the topic.

    • Do it in person. This isn’t something to do via text message or email. You have to do this face-to-face. No one said it will be easy, but you owe your spouse at least that much.
    • Make sure you have the time and space. Unless you have an incredibly unique situation, this isn’t likely a quick conversation. Choose a time when neither of you has someplace to be immediately afterward. Send the kids to a friend or relative’s house. Take care of potential interruptions ahead of time. It may take a while, and it may get emotional. No situation is ever ideal, but choose an opportune moment to have a real, in-depth conversation.

    Related Reading: What are the Grounds for Divorce in Oregon?

    Don’t Tell The World About Your Divorce First

    By the time you’re ready to ask for a divorce, you’ve probably bounced the idea off of close friends and family. That’s understandable. It’s important to talk through major decisions like this. But there’s a line.

    • Don’t broadcast your decision to the world before you talk to your spouse.
    • Don’t get tipsy at a party and tell everyone you’re filing for divorce.
    • And for the love of god, don’t drop hints about divorce on social media.

    You can let everyone know about it later, but it’s important to talk with your spouse first. Otherwise, it can lead to hurt feelings and bitterness that often manifest later in the process. It can also come back to damage your case in court.

    Related Reading: When to Hire a Divorce Lawyer

    Be Calm But Direct With Your Spouse

    This represents an emotional moment for everyone involved. Few things rile people up like divorce. Your spouse may get angry or defensive, but keep an even keel and behave in a rational manner.

    Some experts suggest avoiding “I” statements, so it doesn’t feel like a personal attack or accusation. Instead, they recommend using “we” statements, like “we don’t communicate anymore” or “we don’t get along with each other.”

    While it’s vital to remain calm, it’s also key to be firm. In reality, you don’t actually ask for a divorce. What you’re doing is saying, “I want a divorce.”

    Oregon practices no-fault divorce, so neither party can prevent the other from ending a marriage. The courts will grant you your divorce regardless of whether your spouse agrees or not.

    Still, the process requires some degree of cooperation, or at least the ability to work together. Especially when you have kids or complicated estates to divide.

    Related Reading: Common Financial Mistakes in Divorce

    Consider Your Spouse’s Reaction

    You know your spouse, likely better than you know anyone else in the world. At this stage, you can probably anticipate the coming reaction. Will it be a shock or a shrug? Are you in for a screaming match or a calm, rational conversation?

    Whatever you anticipate, prepare for that. If all you do is fight lately, you may be in for a doozy. Then again, maybe you expect them to be on the same page.

    Even if you think you know what’s coming, prepare for other potential outcomes. Though it may not come as a shock, hearing the words often stirs up all kinds of emotions. People don’t always behave as expected, so also prepare for surprises. Once you’re ready for any reaction by your spouse, good or bad, then have the conversation.

    Related Reading: Breaking Down Divorce by Generation

    Plan for the Future

    In most cases, you don’t want to ask for a divorce and immediately start talking details. There are sure to be some situations like that, but for the most part, everyone probably needs time to decompress and cope. That said, you should at least give some thought to what comes next.

    • Take stock of your finances.
    • Know what you have in savings, where you owe money, and how your economic situation looks.
    • If you have children, consider what you want the parenting plan to look like. Do you want full custody, or is regular visitation more in line with your situation?
    • Think about what you want in the settlement, if you want to push for spousal support, and other issues.

    You don’t necessarily have to have a set-in-stone plan, but it’s good to at least give it some thought. This is also a perfect time to consider whether or not you need to hire a divorce lawyer. It’s also a great idea to get your finances in order.

    Related Reading: Is Oregon a Community Property State?

    Shut the Door

    If you’ve made up your mind, if you’re 100% certain that divorce is the right choice, shut the door. It’s one thing to bring up the topic of divorce, to put it out there as an option.

    But if you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that your marriage is over, be decisive. Be clear, be concise, and don’t leave lingering possibilities. If there’s no chance, make that clear.

    It’s not easy to ask for a divorce. Even though you believe it’s necessary, neither party will come out of this conversation feeling wonderful. You may feel relief, but you probably won’t want to celebrate.

    It’s important to prepare for all eventualities. Even if the writing’s on the wall, this move may come as a shock. Carefully consider what you say, when you say it, and how. This isn’t an easy decision, but if your marriage is truly beyond saving, it’s likely for the best for both of you.

    There’s much more to consider along the way, but hopefully, this gives you a starting point.

    Related Reading: How To Get Divorced In Oregon: Step By Step

  • 5 Things Kids Can Learn From Fantasy Sports

    It’s the most wonderful time of the year. No, we don’t mean Christmas, Thanksgiving, or even St. Patrick’s Day. We’re talking about football season. The NFL season just kicked off, and with it comes fantasy football. We’re all neck deep in statistics and metrics, reading articles, and keeping up to date on injuries as we prepare for our drafts.

    Benefits of Fantasy Football and Other Sports

    Most of us probably think of fantasy football as an excuse to watch every game, track every box score, and talk trash to our buddies. But it’s also a useful tool for divorced dads. (In reality, you can swap out football for fantasy basketball, soccer, rugby, baseball, etc. You can even play fantasy cricket if you want.)

    With the kids going back to school, divorced dads often have a tough time. Fantasy football can serve as a way to bond with your children, teach them practical skills, and have fun at the same time.

    1. Decision Making and Critical Thinking

    Critical thinking and decision-making lie at the heart of fantasy football. Players examine statistics and compare numbers. You set rosters based on team and individual matchups. Even details like where the game takes place also come into play.

    To perform well, you have to absorb and interpret a huge amount of information and make choices based on what you see.

    You predict how a player will perform based on his past performance and the performances of his opponents. This helps kids hone problem-solving abilities and promotes the use of logic, reason, and critical thinking.

    2. Math

    It’s not always easy to get kids to embrace math. Some take to it, but others struggle. Fantasy football provides an opportunity to develop math skills in an engaging, practical, and hands-on manner.

    Kids have to use addition, subtraction, and multiples of three, six, and seven. Certain situations also afford the chance to learn concepts from algebra.

    They learn to evaluate scenarios to determine how many points they need to win or if an opponent can stage a comeback. All of this enhances memory, math skills, and more.

    3. Prediction

    Using data from previous weeks, fantasy football players predict and project what will happen in upcoming games. You look at past performance, account for any potential problems, and anticipate the outcome.

    This helps develop comprehension skills and logical thinking. In making predictions, you must justify why you think this will come to pass.

    It may initially be intuitive, but over time, kids can learn to quantify their reasoning. And since predictions often don’t come true, it also provides a good life lesson that even the best guesses aren’t always right.

    4. Patience and Dedication

    Fantasy football isn’t all about immediate gratification. Once you set your lineup, you have to wait until Sunday (and sometimes Monday) for the results. Plus, the season lasts more or less an entire NFL season.

    If nothing else, it’s an exercise in patience and dedication. Completing a full season takes time, perseverance, and commitment. All useful life skills for kids to develop.

    5. Fantasy Football And Bonding

    It’s vital for divorced dads to remain an active part of children’s lives, and fantasy football offers one avenue to accomplish this. Friendly competition fosters engagement. It gives you a built-in activity and can lead to more phone calls, text messages, and overall contact.

    As you talk about players, games, stats, and rosters, you strengthen bonds and connections. It’s an entertaining, productive way to interact and connect with your children.

    Millions of people play fantasy football every season. It’s something of a national obsession. For some, it’s a fun way to pass the time. In other cases, it helps make games more engaging and keeps you invested in teams and players you might not otherwise pay attention to.

    But it also provides potential benefits for divorced dads. Fantasy football can help children learn significant life lessons and hone useful skills. If you’re feeling estranged from your kids, it can even offer an opportunity for additional bonding.

    One of our favorite fantasy football resources for beginners: Who Should I Start In My Lineup?

  • Can Your Ex Stop Your Kids From Playing Sports?

    You probably noticed, but kids today are busier than ever before. Cluttered with extracurricular activities, social engagements, and more, it seems like they’re always running to what’s next.

    Sports often play a big part in this. They can be hugely beneficial: they’re a way to get exercise, make friends, learn teamwork, and develop other skills. In many situations, they’re so important that they factor into parenting plans after divorce.

    Can an ex prevent your kids from playing sports?

    In this discussion, we use sports as an example, but it can be any activity. Sports are common, but we could also be talking about martial arts, drama or musical performances, robotics club, or other endeavors.

    Youth sports come with their own baggage, like the ongoing discussion over potential injury, but similar regulations apply no matter the pastime.

    Objections to Playing Sports

    There are many legitimate reasons why parents may not want their kids to play sports. Maybe they believe it’s too dangerous or the possibility of injury is too high. This is a concern in all sports, but especially in high-contact games, like football.

    Perhaps one parent feels the kids are too young or that it will distract them from schoolwork.

    It may be as simple as one parent doesn’t want to schlep across town for practice multiple nights a week.

    Some reasons are compelling, while others aren’t as persuasive. But it varies from one situation to the next.

    Related Reading: Child Custody and the Best Interests of the Child

    high school baseball player

    Can Sports Be a Part of Parenting Plans?

    Ultimately, it’s up to the parents to decide whether or not to allow their children to play sports.

    Ideally, in making this decision, the parents truly consider the child’s best interests. You have to weigh factors like safety, whether they’re passionate about it, and so much more.

    In a perfect situation, both parents discuss the matter and come to an agreement that works for everyone. But that doesn’t always happen.

    For example, if your daughter plays soccer but your ex prevents her from going to games during visitation weekends, what can you do?

    In some cases, a parenting plan comes into play. This official court order establishes the custody arrangement after a divorce or break-up. These documents contain many things and often include a child’s activities.

    If an activity is important to your child, you can actually write it into the parenting plan.

    Sports often fall into this category. In this instance, if your ex attempts to stop your child from playing sports, you have legal recourse.

    Once you establish a valid parenting plan, both you and your ex must legally abide by the terms. Neither parent can decide one day to stop following the plan without repercussions. If the violation continues, you may even have a contempt case. That’s the extreme end of the spectrum, but it’s possible.

    There are caveats to this, of course. To write a specific sport into a parenting plan, you have to know your child has an interest. It’s one thing if your high school-aged son plays high-level AAU basketball or is an Olympic-hopeful figure skater. That you know to plan for, it’s another if your elementary school child maybe wants to play tee-ball down the road.

    Related Reading: Enforcing a Parenting Plan

    Contempt

    As we said, if your ex refuses to play ball, so to speak, and abide by the parenting plan, you may have a case for contempt. There are legal outlets to enforce the stipulations of your parenting plan.

    Different counties in Oregon have different regulations and procedures for enforcement proceedings, so it’s important to know the specific laws where you live.

    This type of legal action is serious, so it shouldn’t be undertaken lightly. It’s not for use if your ex makes your son miss a baseball game once. This is more of a last resort when you run out of other options.

    Sometimes, even the threat of legal action can be enough to convince the other parent to adhere to the rules going forward.

    Related Reading: What Happens After the Court Appoints a Guardian Ad Litem?

    Can You Change the Parenting Plan?

    If it becomes clear that one or both parents can no longer stick to the terms, it is possible to modify a parenting plan.

    Be warned, like most court orders, once in place, these are difficult to change. It’s often a long, expensive process. The best way is to make sure the original document is something everyone can live with for the long haul.

    In Oregon, you must file a Motion Requesting Modification. There’s more to it, but at a basic level, you’ll have to show a significant change in circumstances.

    Beyond that, you need to demonstrate that this move represents the child’s best interests. Even then, the court still may not grant the modification.

    When deciding whether or not to modify a parenting plan, the courts account for many variables:

    • If both parents agree to the alterations.
    • When there’s been a substantial change in circumstances from the original plan.
    • If the child is in harm’s way.
    • If the other parent refuses to follow the agreement or has been found in contempt.

    A judge may consider these and other factors.

    Ideally, if your ex tries to stop your child from participating in sports or any court-approved activity, it won’t require legal action. The best way to decide the fate of your child playing sports is for both parents to have a rational, adult conversation. In cases of divorce and custody, however, that’s often easier said than done.

    Related Reading: 5 Important Things Your Kids Can Learn From Playing Fantasy Sports

  • How Do You Find the Best Child Custody Lawyer?

    How do you find the best child custody lawyer? This is a big question.

    Few things get us as riled up as our kids. That’s a big reason why custody cases so often become intense and antagonistic.

    We want to fight for what’s best for our children. To ensure this, it usually benefits you to enlist the help of an attorney. But how do you find a child custody lawyer, and what does that even mean?

    Choosing The Best Child Custody Lawyer:

    Firstly, what constitutes the “best child custody lawyer” varies from case to case.

    The ideal match for one person’s personality and circumstances may not be a perfect fit for another. In reality, it’s a matter of finding the best fit for you and your specific situation.

    While there’s no universal roadmap to finding the best custody attorney, there are qualities to consider in your search.

    1. Similar Case Experience

    If you’re looking for the best child custody lawyer for you, one key component is experience in similar cases. Look for an attorney with skills in the areas your circumstances require.

      • Will your case be complex and high-conflict?
      • Does your child have special needs?
      • Is there an interstate element or a jurisdiction issue to take into account?

    Whatever the particulars, ensure that whoever you hire has the necessary background to handle them.

    Related Reading: How Mental Illness Impacts Child Custody Disputes

    2. Specialization in Custody Cases

    Like experience, specialization is also something to look for when trying to find the best child custody lawyer to represent you.

    Custody attorneys all practice family law, but not all family law practitioners are custody attorneys.

    Many are well-versed in multiple areas, but if an attorney is more interested in high-asset divorces, they may not be the right choice.

    Do your homework and ensure the skill set aligns with your specific needs.

    Related Reading: How Legal Marijuana Use Affects Custody Cases

    3. Knowledge of Jurisdiction Laws

    Laws and regulations vary significantly from one state to the next.

    The best child custody lawyer for your situation is one with in-depth knowledge of the local rules. Or at least where the case will be handled—the two are not always the same.

    In Oregon, it makes sense to hire an attorney who is familiar with the intricacies of Oregon law and knows how to strive for an optimal outcome. However, if the case is heard elsewhere, it often serves your interests to find someone in that area.

    Related Reading: What Is The UCCJA? A Look At The Uniform Child Custody Jurisdiction Act

    4. Accessibility

    In addition to knowing the laws, a local attorney may be the best child custody lawyer for your case for other reasons.

    Accessibility is important. Not only when it comes to being available to answer questions, but also in simple logistics. If you live in Eugene, it will be more challenging to meet with an attorney in Portland. Technological tools have made this easier in many cases, but it’s something to be aware of.

      • It’s much easier to meet without having to take a whole day off work or travel a great distance.
      • Local representation may also make an attorney easier to vet—perhaps a friend can refer you, or the regional bar association has recommendations.
      • Attorneys operating in a specific geographical area often also have established relationships with judges, courthouse staff, and others that can prove beneficial.

    Related Reading: Third-Party Custody Cases

    5. Communication

    This is someone you have to communicate with, but they also need to speak on your behalf with the opposing party, judges, other lawyers, and your spouse.

    They may also need to communicate with people who work outside of family law, such as accountants and other experts. Skills in this area are understandably critical.

    Whoever you hire is also a person you have to spend time with and work with.

    Ensuring you’re comfortable with them, confident in their abilities, and able to accurately communicate what you need is key. You’ll likely experience more than enough conflict; avoiding strife with your lawyer makes everyone’s life easier.

    Related Reading: What Happens When the Court Appoints a Guardian Ad Litem

    6. Consideration of Your Financial Resources

    No surprise, hiring an attorney tends to be quite expensive.

    Considering your financial resources and what you can and cannot spend is essential in determining the best child custody lawyer for you.

    Knowing upfront how an attorney handles billing helps you manage expenses and maintain realistic expectations of the cost.

    Related Reading: Can the Custodial Parent Relocate With Your Child?

    7. Compassion

    Divorce and cases involving kids and guardianship are intense, emotional times. The best child custody lawyer for you may be one who knows this and understands what’s at stake for your family.

    You don’t necessarily need someone to hold your hand every step of the way. Hire a therapist or lean on family and friends for that. You do, however, want to find someone with whom you can work on a practical level towards a common goal. And a little compassion never hurt anyone.

    Hiring the best child custody lawyer for your case is one of the most important decisions you may ever make. It can have a significant impact on your hearing and your life moving forward. This is why it’s essential to invest the time and effort to ensure your attorney is the right fit for you, your family, and your specific situation.

    Related Reading: Best Interest Of The Child

  • Back To School Tips For Divorced Dads

    We hate to be the bearers of bad news, but it’s almost time for the kids to go back to school. Depending on where you live, it may have already happened. It’s always tough for the kids to give up the freedom of summer break and return to the classroom. But it’s often equally difficult for the parents, especially newly divorced dads.

    Adjusting takes time, but we’re here to help.

    Back to School Tips for Divorced Dads

    The start of a new school year presents many challenges. You’ve got new teachers, new classmates, and maybe even new schools. You and your kids are in uncharted territory. At best, getting used to doing homework again after two months off presents a definite change.

    Despite the hurdles, a new school year also presents a fantastic opportunity to bond with your children and become more involved in their daily lives. This is especially vital for newly divorced dads. You probably don’t see the kids as often, so it’s important to take advantage of the time you do have together.

    This may be your first school year as a divorced dad, or it may be your tenth. Regardless, we’ve got some tips and strategies to help back-to-school go as smoothly as possible.

    1. Meet the Teachers

    Teachers see your kids every day. Depending on the grade, they may spend most of the day together. Outside of you and other family members, they’re likely the most important adults in your child’s life.

    As such, it’s equally important to open lines of communication. This helps you stay current on your child’s progress and stay aware of any issues that arise. Beyond that, it’s always nice to be able to put a face to the name.

    Related Reading: How Criminal Charges Affect Custody Cases

    2. Update Your Contact Info

    Newly divorced dads need to update their contact information with the school. Make sure they have the correct address, phone number, email address, and emergency contact on file.

    It’s also important to inform the school that you’re recently divorced and let them know of any custody restrictions. Most schools, especially for younger children, have strict rules about who can and can’t pick up kids and that sort of thing.

    You’ll likely also need to establish a schedule with the administration and keep them up to date on any changes.

    Related Reading: Custody Laws for Unmarried Parents

    3. Split the School Supplies

    Kids need lots of school supplies to start the year. There are backpacks, calculators, pens and pencils, notebooks, art supplies, and maybe even school uniforms. It adds up to a small fortune by the end.

    Some parents want to share the cost to ensure neither faces an undue burden. You may want to split the costs right down the middle. Or if a teacher sends home a list of supplies at the beginning of the year, you can also divvy it up, especially if one parent has an eye for certain items.

    Related Reading: How Legal Marijuana Use Affects Child Custody

    4. Coordinate and Communicate

    Navigating shared custody gets tough, especially for newly divorced dads. You may not want to work with your ex or have any contact, but it’s important to coordinate.

    This includes who will pick up or drop off the kids at school, arranging daycare or babysitters if necessary, and scheduling various after-school activities.

    A variety of apps and online scheduling resources are available for divorced fathers and mothers. You can set up a shared Google calendar to keep things straight and ensure you don’t miss any important events like games, plays, and parent-teacher meetings. Some parents also set up group chats so both parents can keep current with their children’s daily lives.

    If you have problems communicating face-to-face, this often provides a useful, relatively easy alternative.

    Related Reading: 8 Common Child Support Questions Answered

    5. Back to School Routine

    While going back to school is stressful for newly divorced dads, it’s even more so for your kids. Establishing a routine provides comfort and consistency.

    That way the kids know where they’re going to be and when. Make sure they know who’s going to pick them up from school, who will take them to soccer practice, and the like. Set specific times when they need to do homework, try to eat dinner at the same time, and keep a regular bedtime.

    Divorce wreaks havoc on a child’s life, and stability can be a powerful tool to help them cope. Some changes will happen, but try to maintain a steady, reliable routine as much as possible.

    Related Reading: Child Custody Evaluations

    6. Get Involved

    Newly divorced dads often have it tough. With shared custody and parenting plans, you likely won’t get to see your kids as much.

    While your time together may have limitations, it’s important to make the most of it and be as involved as possible. When it comes to this time of year, that can take many forms. This includes:

    • Asking them about their day and how school is going.
    • Communicating with their teachers to make sure you know of any issues that arise.
    • Helping them with homework, especially if they struggle in a certain subject.
    • If they participate in extracurricular activities, find ways to lend a hand.
    • Maybe you can help out with sets for a school play, or the football team could use an extra coach.

    These are good ways to get involved and show your kids how much they mean to you.

    Related Reading: Fathers’ Rights and Child Custody: What You Need to Know

    7. Talk to Your Kids

    Just like it’s important to communicate with your ex, it’s important to communicate with your kids. Going back to school can be tough, and so is going through a divorce. Taken together, your kids have a lot going on.

    Take the time to talk to them. About school, about how they feel about the divorce, and about life in general. Keeping open lines of communication helps you stay aware of any problems they have, at school or otherwise.

    If they’re used to talking with you, they’re more likely to share instead of bottling things up and letting emotions fester. And it also strengthens the parent-child bond. It’s your job as a parent to help steer your child in the right direction, and this is an especially important time for divorced dads.

    Going back to school is tough for kids and parents. As with most things, divorce only makes it that much more difficult. Divorced dads don’t always have it easy, but you can take steps to help smooth out the process.

    Related Reading: Parental Relocation After Divorce